It's 4.25 pm

Assalamualaikum and hello all.

First of all, I'd like to say, ALHAMDULILLAH, praise be to Allah for giving me the determination and willpower to STUDY STUDY STUDY until my brain becomes saturated (which I highly doubt it, LOL). Yes, it's all because of Him, I was at the midst of giving up reading because I was feeling upset for no reason (hormonal fluctuation ZzzzZZZ) and instead of studying, I really wanted to finish reading a very 'emo' book, 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower. ZzzzZZZzz again. But I didn't relent to what my heart wanted and I forced myself to study study study all the ELEVEN notes (which consists of hundreds of slides). 

So, Alhamdulillah, I could answer the Endocrine Quiz smoothly. :) It's not that freaking easy, but I feel relieved and relaxed after answering them. 

Let's pray that the marks will be awesome as well! Ameen.

Surah al-Insyirah Verses 7-8

So when you have finished (from your occupation), then stand up for Allah's worship, 

And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your intentions and hopes and) your invocations. 

The very lesson that we could learn from this is:

"Jangan layankan perasaan emo tu sangat" (translate sendiri, wuhuuu)

Ok, now I would want to continue with 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'. ZzzZZzzz..

Hello, it's almost 4 in the morning.

And I'm up, supposedly studying for the endocrine quiz. -___-

I really enjoyed my one-week holiday staying at home, mostly. Adventurous as I claim I am (LOL), I'm more towards a homely kind of person, a Bilbo Baggins who was very comfortable living in his hobbit hole, not interested to meddle in anything out of the ordinary (until Gandalf set him up on an adventure!)

What I really wanted to say: I MISS HOME!!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!! I HAVE TO SPEND ANOTHER EIGHT FREAKING LECTURE WEEKS AND THREE FREAKING REVISION+EXAM PERIOD!!!

I don't know why, I just enjoyed staying at home. In other words: I'm feeling homesick-ish, Allah please help me.

On the other hand, things/events I'm looking forward to in these horrific 11 weeks -____- : 

The beginning of NAUSEATING AWESOME NOVEMBER (what I called November) and,

The end of AWESOME NAUSEATING NOVEMBER (notice the reversal, because I expect November to end spectacularly, with my goals achieved and fulfilled).

Why do I call it nauseating? Because it's gonna be a month full of trials (of deadlines and brain storming, nerve-wrecking) and dreams (thus the reason why it's called awesome) LOL. I'll tell more about this next time.

And yes, right after the NAUSEATING AWESOME NOVEMBER's OVER, I'm looking forward to the BIG BAD WOLF SALE IN DECEMBER!!! :D 

I just feel the immense desire to spend at least an hour in the leisure section of the library. *sob*

EVIL DEVILS

Salam'alaik.

There's just too much (yes, uncountable) evils in this world, those things that opened up both my mind and eyes wide, things that make me forever eternally grateful with the blessings and bounties bestowed upon me and my family, things that have succeeded in making me looking at the so-called problems that I have as so thoroughly insignificant. 

And things that make me asked myself 'Why there's so many evil doings on this Earth?' What prompted the evil people to commit these evil things? Is it because of the influence of their family members? Even so, does that JUSTIFY their reason to commit these actions? Actions like this: 

A picture of oh-so-cute-I-bet-when-he-grows-up-he's-gonna-be-handsome-and-deelish Robert Middleton in the 1998, when he was 8. I was 8 in 1998, and my youngest brother Haziq is also eight this year.

Nope, no longer handsome physically. On his 8th birthday, he was raped (more like, sodomized) by a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD BOY. The boy then tied him to a tree and threw gasoline (?) towards Robert and lit him on fire.

He suffered more than 90 degrees burn and miraculously survived.

AN EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY, GET IT? EIGHT!!

I could only imagine him (the same age as my brother, naudzubillahiminzalik) crying when he was sodomized ( I SOO HATE THIS WORD), crying in unimaginable excruciating pain as he was burned alive.

Imagine what his mother had to endure?

To think that the little boy that she had taken great care of from the moment he was conceived to when she gave birth to him,the one whom she raised with love and affection throughout the 8 years had turned out to be like this! 

(I AM SO OUTRAGED BY THE FACT THAT THE MANIAC KID WAS JUST THIRTEEN!) 

The cute boy had transformed into the person in the second picture!

He endured countless numbers of skin transplants and surgeries and died 13 years later, in 2011, at the age of 21 years old. 

I feel very sad. 

This is sad.

Sedih.

Sad.

You can google to know more about him. :(

This is one of the real-life cases in this world. This is the one that I've just read about just recently. 

I feel sad. 

I don't know what to do.

It is impossible to totally eradicate evils on this earth, as long as the devils are still here.

This case reminds me of Junko Furuta's case of which I am STILL ANGRY AND UPSET. 

So, let's recite in Arabic 'I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan'. And also, I seek refuge with Allah from those who have been 'influenced' by Satan'. 

DOUBLE TWO

I woke up in the morning and saw a new Google Doodle. Surprised to see that it was for me (perasan gila+ noob).

So, Alhamdulillah. I am now 22. Double Two. A woman physically, always a child inside. HAHA.

Infinite thanks to Allah the Almighty for creating me. 

Thank you for my mother who gave birth to me on this particular day. Millions of thanks to my parents who brought me up to the way I am now. 

I kind of questioned myself lately 'Why am I being born a woman?' and I know that there's a reason for everything that happened. 

Being born a woman is quite restrictive. My parents are so overprotective of me as compared to my younger brother. It is for my own benefits, I know.

Yes, I know there's a reason on why I was born a female, a Muslim, a Malay, a Malaysian. I just have to find out that reason. I have to start looking for it. Please pray that I'll finally find it! 

I love being a woman, yes. And I'm so grateful to be born a Muslim woman in MALAYSIA. 

I turned off the Facebook notification for my birthday, so no one on my friends' list know that TODAY is my birthday and it feels awesome actually, it's like you have a secret. (oh, pleaseee)

I have friends, family members, my roommate who do not need the facebook notification that today is my birthday and they wished me privately through the phone.

Also thanks to those who wished me on other social networks! :D 

My uncle gave me the BEST ORIGINAL birthday message:

"Happy birthday my dearest Sarah. You deserve a ride on a magical cobalt dragon through a golden sky filled with raspberry star dust that will make you happy for a thousand years. Soak it in all up! Stay fearless. Love,"

Always so poetic and descriptive, he is. Remember him, the architect aka my younger brother's mentor?

Also, the youngest son of my arwah Nekwan and Tokwan, my mom's youngest brother.

Remember the email that he gave to me two months after my grandma had left us all? 

My Dearest Sarah,

thanks for your email, it did cheer me up. :)

You know, i have always told my friends that my mother is so special because she may not understand anything but she understands everything.

They find this amusing..

See, Nek Wan might not be well-educated and she didn't understand a lot of things around her- how to operate the cable, how to use the mobile, even how to tune the radio.

She came to Singapore with Tok Wan only with her courage and determination. But miraculously with Allah's guidance, she was able to raise 6 children in the most unfamiliar environment, and by God, she raised each and everyone of her children well, with good education - duniawi and ukhrawi. This, despite all the odds- a feat not many women can take on these days.

I thought about it and i concluded that your arwah Nek Wan was so special. She had the gift of understanding her children and giving them the tools they need most for the soul. She might not be able to help us with our algebra homework or English assignment, but she was able to give us the determination, persistence and courage to live life to the fullest. She equipped us with lessons you will never be able to find in the classroom. She had the incomparable ability to adept to circumstances and make the best out of the situation. She didn't let anything or anyone bring her or her family down with her weaknesses, rather she mustered every strand of strength she had in her to trudge on. Until today, when i feel weak and troubled, i think of what Nek Wan would do if she is caught in the same situation and from there, i always find strength.

When I was down and felt that the whole world was against me, I just needed to go back home to her. She was able to discern every sorrow in me, even without me telling her, and she never failed to heal every single one of my wounds.

At night, she would sit and watch all the English programmes on TV with me even though she couldn't understand a word! But at the corner of my eye, I always caught her not watching the TV but rather looking at me, and i could feel the warmth of her smile and every word of the doa she sent to Allah for me.

Every day when i went to work, she would sit at the sofa and bid me farewell, and her sight never left me until i turn the corner at the staircase. I knew she was praying for me and my safety. I knew she was aware, the day will come she will not be able to see me off work anymore and prayed Allah will still be with me for always...

I miss Nek Wan so so much, and i pray i will be able to see her again soon. You are right, she would most likely want me to keep praying for her, and stop mourning, and one day InsyaAllah, we will see Nek Wan and Tok Wan again. Till then i just wish i have half her strength to go through the rest of my life without her. Even to the day she passed on, your Nek Wan was one strong lady. 

I've never felt so loved and cared for, and i guess that's the magic that mothers have. You still have yours. Cherish every single moment you have with your parents ok, and make every moment matter. Always remind Mak and Abah how much you love and appreciate them.

Keep in touch, all the best for your results and may Allah be with you always.

Whenever you remember Nek Wan, sedekah Fatehah ok?

Lots of Love,

Busu

Eh, why does this post turned out to be about HIM, my uncle instead of my so-called awesome day of birthday? I don't have any awesome day. I have to study for THREE quizzes tomorrow.

His birthday is on the 12th of October, which is 2 days ago. I forgot to wish him for his birthday. I'm sorry, Busu Din! Here is a birthday wish for you! ( I don't know whether you still read my blog or not. I hope not!).

Happy 37th Birthday Busu Din!

Stay handsome and stay awesome!

Get married quickly, will you!

And don't ask me to get married first whenever I voiced that out -___-

With love, your niece, Sarah Syahirah/Sarah E.Beth Darcy/Syaheira Skywalker/WizardNox159.

He is my biggest critic so far. >_< I'll improve my English, yes! *saying this meekly*

Wassalam. 

Arashi: A short-lived fandom

Salam'alaik and a very good evening.

Browsed through the list of songs on my phone. Instinctively played 'Love So Sweet' by Arashi. 

Smiled as I sang along, uttering each Japanese word with clarity (mind you, I pronounced each word correctly, not just mumbling any Japanese-like non-existent words)The only Arashi song that I could memorize the lyrics from the beginning till the end. 

I smiled as I reminisced the old days, those days when I was an immature, pompous teenage girl who lamented over the fact that 'Matsumoto Jun got married' when in fact, it was that 'Nanba-senpai guy who got married'. HAHA.

I smiled as I remember those days when I would spend sleepless nights watching downloaded Japanese Dramas and getting high doses of 'Arashi variety shows' like 'Himitsu-no Arashi chan' and 'Arashi no Shukudaikun'. The latter had ended for good and I didn't watch the final episode. 

I am still smiling when I reflected on how reckless was I for skipping extra 'Biology Lab' class on Saturday (or was it Friday?) just for the purpose of going to 'My Star Shop' at Berjaya Times Square with Syau, Su'aidah, Kinah and Ummu to buy Arashi and Jun Matsumoto button badges. Pffttt..

Also, those days when I would pay several too frequent visits to my neighbours, Kinah and Nikmah whose room is two rooms away from mine to get my supplies of Japanese dramas and Arashi TV shows of which they have downloaded from Aibakaland (if I'm not mistaken).

I laughed when I remember the time when Syidah and I were watching some of our favourite scenes of 'Hana Yori Dango' when suddenly Madam Syahidah and a few of other fellows came barging into our room, doing a spot-check. I quickly switched off my laptop and when she asked me 'Cerita apa tu?' and I replied nonchalantly 'Kenapa? Madam nak tengok ke?'  thus making my roommates' mouths opened wide in shock and disbelievement.

 I didn't realize that I was being sarcastic. -____-
I meant to say 'Why? Do you want to check whether there is any inappropriate contents that are not suitable for a Muslim in this particular drama series?' Eh, it sounds sarcastic as well.

I quickly apologized to her at the cafe the next morning.

Those fruitless, non-productive days during short semester in CFS where I would read Jun Matsumoto+Inoue Mao gossips at Asianfanatics.net. Mind you, there were hundreds of pages! >_<

Spending my money on Hana Yori Dango 1, 2 and Hana Yori Dango the movie original DVDs when I could just get them from my friends! 

Writing a special blog post for Jun Matsumoto for his birthday. Pffttt...

Trashing my blog with posts and pictures of Arashi.

I was soo into this J-Pop thing starting from February 2009 till before I entered the main campus in 2010. Only one year plus of fandom then I got 'insaf'. :P

I truly wanted to be a hardcore Arashi fan. I wanted to go to the gatherings of Arashi's fans, I wanted to attend their concerts, I wanted to buy their super expensive DVDs (there were Hong Kong and Japanese edition), I swooned over the not-so-decent pictures of Arashi members. I wanted to be able to memorize all the lyrics to Arashi songs, I wanted soo much to love Arashi with all my heart. Not just Arashi, I wanted to be knowledgeable about K-Pop as well. Super Junior, DBSK, Wonder Girls, Girls' Generation, etc. 

The thing is, I couldn't do it. I couldn't love Arashi as much as I wanted to. No matter how hard I tried, I could never memorize the names nor distinguish the faces of all 13 members of Super Junior. Even memorizing facts that I learned in class is easier than this!It's just too hard. How stupid was I for trying too hard to accomplish unimportant, irrelevant things like these. There was this restriction and boundary. I don't know where did it come from. From Allah, maybe?

And so, right after I entered the main campus, I have changed a bit. I am proud to say that I'm no longer an Arashi fan. I've deleted 90% of their variety shows in my hard disk. I only kept those that are educational and informative. (Oi, betul ke no longer an Arashi fan?) In fact now, I have never even watched their variety shows. Takde supplier macam dulu, mungkin. 

Deep in my heart, I still missed being an Arashi fan. Their shows are so enjoyable and entertaining. But I asked myself again 'How long would you let yourself to be embraced with this 'entertainment'? and yes, I think I have changed. Haha. It must be the guidance from Allah, Alhamdulillah.

I still have my Arashi button badges, Jun Matsumoto fan, Arashi's glossy pictures, Arashi handphone keychain (though dah rosak, but I still keep it in my purse), Hana Yori Dango DVDs and other Japanese Dramas original DVDs and I still watch some Japanese dramas, mind you.

And now, when I looked at Matsumoto Jun, I was baffled as to why on earth did I once had an immense crush on this guy?

My 19 year-old self would find him oh so cute and attractive and charming.

My now almost 22 years old self would say 'Kenapalaaa aku pernah minat mamat ni dulu? Macam perempuan pulak tu. Poyo la pulak nampak mamat ni. Heii... malunya...'

3 years of living had brought so many changes within me, and that includes the 'definition' of attractive, charming, handsome (you name it).

Jun Matsumoto equals good looking??!! Now I get it why my non-Arashian friends tergelak-gelak bila tengok muka Matsumoto Jun. >_<

Okay, enough bashing him for his looks. I gotta admit, He IS handsome. But his style is so exaggerated and overrated. A Michael Jackson wannabe. Find your own style la, Jun. T_T

Not to say that everything about Arashi is bad. Nope.
Their songs could be soothing at times and the lyrics (if you read the translations) could be inspiring as well. And just like what I said before, their variety shows could be informative/educational and entertaining at the same time. No lawak-lawak bodoh Senario.

Through Arashi, I learned about other inspirational Japanese Dramas like 'Nobuta wo Produce', 'Dragon Zakura' and 'Gokusen'. Those dramas have their own 'souls', and they talked about life instead of love. So yes, I still watch selected Japanese dramas ( I tend to make a so-called intensive research about dramas before I actually watch them, LOL). I highly recommend you who are reading to watch these inspirational Japanese dramas instead of watching 'Putri yang Terbuang' or 'Putri yang Tertukar' or 'Nada Cinta' yang meleret-leret entah apa-apa.

I got to admit that the Arashi members inspire me in some ways.

 Jun Matsumoto indirectly introduced me to Haruki Murakami, and he influenced me to read my first Haruki Murakami's novel, which is 'Kafka on the Shore'. I'm reading '1Q84' now. His exceptional cooking skills brought me to shame *covers face with hands* and thus I am determined to improve my cooking skills.

Sho Sakurai is the most inspirational member of the group. He is a high achiever, graduated from a prestigious university (Keio University) in Japan with a degree in Economics, and comes from a good, highly educated family background. Apart from singing, MC-ing, and acting, he is also a newscaster, specializing in Economics welfare of Japan, also one of the official casters for the Beijing Olympics 2010. He teaches me that whatever you feel like doing, education comes first.

All five members of Arashi have their own shares of success, and they inspire me to be successful as well.

So yes, it's quite difficult to 'leave' those people who had given positive influences on you, though it was only for a year or two. LOL. But changes for the betterment of ourselves ARE good.

What about now? Is there any specific boyband that you had taken a liking for? Or any singer?

Let me think for a moment. Urm, Not really.

I tend to listen to old songs now. Songs of the 90's and early 2000's are really nostalgic. I've always loved oldies and instrumental and classical music. 'Jupiter' by Gustav Holst is on top of my list now.

Well, here it is. My favourite Arashi song.

Also, I realized that there are bigger things in life that I need to focus on. The average lifespan of a human being is about 70 years (assuming and estimating) and you don't know whether you could reach that particular age. Someday, you're going to die when you least expect it and what happens after you died? You will be questioned by the angels in the graves, and you'll weep in sorrow upon realizing that you have spent your short life on earth doing insignificant things that do not contribute to your 'bekalan' in akhirat. Is Arashi going to help you? I bet you'll laugh before you're even going to answer this question.

On a last note, in my opinion, it is not wrong to 'like' this particular boyband or whatsoever, but keep it in moderation. Don't let your life revolves around these people. Erkk..

Okay, bye-bye Arashi! Thanks for the wonderful memories! :)

P.S. I hope I'd be able to MEET you guys one day, and proudly say 'I was once your fan, you guys were my inspiration and I memorized the lyrics of Love So Sweet!' xD

Yes, I'm no longer an Arashi fan, but I'd like to meet those people who once took several significant steps into my life, thus indirectly changed me to the way I am now.

Thank you for reading and may peace be upon us all! :)

De-stressed

Salam'alaik.

I have this folder labelled 'Inspirations' in my laptop. 

Whenever I came across any inspiring or motivating photos, I'd save them into this folder. Sometimes I'd open this folder and browse through the pictures, pondering upon each word and relating them with the life I'm living now. And sometimes, I'd follow the suggestions and advices given in these photos! Hehe. 

I love number 4, because I love running.

Number 5 is undeniably true.

I practise number 6 whenever I met some girls I don't know on the way to the cafe. Greet them with a smile and salam, of course, for it is one of the beautiful teachings of Islam.

TRAVEL OFTEN! I'm planning to go to Indo-China (Vietnam, Cambodia) with my friends! Haha, PLANNING TO, kalau my parents bagi la, which is probably a 90% possibility that they won't. -___-.

That reminds me, I'm 22 this year. My mom got engaged when she was 21. It means she's matured enough to get engaged at that age. In a way, I'm matured enough (by one year older) to travel with my comrades in a foreign country! :P 

Plus, a primary school teacher who is usually around the age of 22-23 is entrusted by the students' parents to BRING the students to trips to KL, etc. LOL.

Maybe when I come home this mid break, I'd hold a discussion about 'Definition of maturity and your daughter is now 22' with my parents thus begging and persuading them to let me to on this trip. Worse come to the worst, my younger brother Syafiq can come to act as my 'chaperone'. Hehh.. >_<

I LOVE ALL THESE FIFTY WAYS!!! 

I always hug my friends whenever they're feeling upset.  I always hug my female friends to show my gratitudes to them. 

I always hug my younger sister and my youngest brother, Haziq. We commented that Haziq is becoming taller everyday (duh! Growth spurt of a child) because we each hugged and kissed him every single hour. :P

Of course, in the future, I would make it a point to hug my children everyday. When they wake up in the morning, before they go to sleep, whenever I'm happy or pleased with them, whenever they're upset. Cehh, dah fikir pasal children. 

This is an awesome place to be in, an amazing place to study. This place reminds me of the settings in Jane Austen's novels, the particular scene in 'Pride and Prejudice 1995' where Mr.Darcy played by Colin Firth swim in the lake in front of his mansion. This place is so beautiful. So breathtaking.

I wish, and pray and hope to go to this place someday. Insya-Allah. I just have to start working hard from now. 

And of course, the Holy Quran, the mukjizat given by Allah to Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, the 101 lifeguide for the Muslims, for the mankind.

Just take a few minutes of your day to read the translation and ponder upon its meanings. You'll realize that there are bigger things in life, and that the world is huge, wide, whatever you call it, and that your own problems would be insignificant, they're just specks. of. dust.

Of course, the beautiful verses of the al-Quran are the love letters from Allah to His servants, whenever we read and recite the verses, we're actually saying the words of Allah.

When we're feeling upset, it's as though Allah assures us by saying 'Be patient my dear'. 

'So verily, when there's difficulty, there's relief'.

'Verily, when there's difficulty, there's relief'

(surah al-Insyirah verses 5-6)

Bear in mind that nothing in this world is permanent, and that includes the difficulties and the problems you're facing now.

Wallahu'alam.

With that, thank you for reading and may you have a great day! 

Naik pangkat.

Assalamualaikum and a very good afternoon to all. 

Caption oleh Fatin Kamarulzaman via FB: 27 September 2012. Boys at the front! Hari ini dalam sejarah. Yay!! Ps: sarah dekat belakang sekali weyh!! Haha

(well, not really. duduk row 2nd last -____-) 

Since 1st year (we had our classes at the auditorium) up till 2nd year and now the 3rd week of 1st semester of 3rd year, MY PLACE had always been there, 

FIRST ROW on your right, the 3rd seat.

I love sitting in front of the class, as it puts me into direct eye contact with the lecturers and it refrained me from falling asleep in class; sitting in front builds confidence within me, and it's really easy for me to ask questions during lectures.

But yesterday, on the 26th of September 2012, 3rd week of 1st semester of 3rd year, the batch leader had said

'Brothers have requested to sit in front. So, the first two rows on both right and left sides of the class will be reserved for the brothers'.

The reasons:

1. Brothers are supposed to be the leaders to women. 

Before this, the sisters were the ones who occupied and conquered the first 6 rows on the right and the first 5 rows on the left. Brothers semua duduk kat belakang. What to do? The unofficial 'system' had always been there since the 1st year. 1st year dulu bagi chance tak nak duduk depan. HUHU. 

2. To 'menjaga pandangan'.

I don't know what's with guys and their 'pandangans'. LOL. 

3. Brothers dah ada kesedaran nak membaiki diri dan to be a better man (better men)! (nyanyi lagu Robbie Williams) (my own opinion, LOL).

Of course la, dah 3rd year, mestilah ada kesedaran untuk jadi lebih baik supaya boleh menjadi bakal suami dan ayah yang mithali!

And so, sadly and reluctantly, I was forced to move to the not third, fourth nor fifth, but the SIXTH row!

The funny thing is that the next day (the day of which the 'system' commenced),  everyone (the sisters) tried their best to come early to class to reserve the 'frontest' place possible!

One of them includes yours truly. The class started at 9 a.m and I went out of my room at 8.30 am!

Upon reaching the class, I was dismayed that the 3rd, 4th and 5th rows are fully occupied!!!! NOOO!!!!

The sisters made a pact with the brothers. If they came any later than 5 minutes after the lectures had commenced, then the sisters will move to the 1st and 2nd rows.

Surprise, surprise!80% of the brothers came early (8.55 is early for them) to class and so, yes, their rights to take the front seats are justified.

Throughout the 3 hours classes, I was squirming uncomfortably at the back, not to mention, feeling rather sleepy but then, an amazing thing had happened.

I COULD ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND BETTER of what the lecturers had taught when I'm SITTING at the BACK as compared to when I was in front. ALHAMDULILLAH!!! 

I guess sitting behind with lots of obstructions (people's heads in front of me) and distractions (the sound of my other friends talking) actually exert positive effects on my concentration. 

My concentration power is levelled up as I tried my best to focus despite all those hurdles.

Another good thing of sitting at the back.

YOU COULD DO WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO DO!

Nak menggeliat bila mengantuk, nak menguap luas2 (tapi tutup mulut), nak gelak, nak duduk dengan cara yang tidak keperempuanan, nak tengok handphone ( I tak tengok handphone), you nak makan nasi lemak, roti canai, hatta semuanya bolehlah (cuma jangan bising sampai distract kelas dan lecturer yang mengajar). 

I gotta admit, my movements were a bit restricted when I was sitting at the front. In front of me was the lecturer and there were BROTHERS at the back who could see what the sisters are doing at the front. So kena control behaviours, pergerakan semua tu la.

And as for the brothers, HAHAHA.

After the class, I asked one of my male classmates with syrupy sweet sarcastic manner. 

'Best tak duduk depan?' 

He laughed and said 'Rasa macam ada boundaries. Tak boleh nak menggeliat, etc'.

Hehe, see? 

My friend, Liyana who had been sitting at the back since 1st year (LOL) even commented,

'Budak-budak lelaki ni bila duduk belakang ramai yang tidur, kepala terlentok semua tu. 

But based on what I've observed, tak ada seorang pun yang tersengguk-sengguk kat depan tu!

Another classmate, Sharifah who was sitting right behind the brothers said that 'H**** tu tidur sebenarnya. Tapi dia pejam mata je'. LOL.

Conclusion: the brothers had shown more positive behaviours when they are sitting in the front rows as compared to the back rows.

I can't wait for Prof Noriah's class! Dia suka tanya orang duduk depan. :P 

So, Sarah. Whatever happened, it's for the best. Believe it!

This is the story of how a front bencher turned into one of the backbenchers. HAHA. 

Oh Jupiter, I'm going to the West

I don't know if any of you who's reading this is a classical music/orchestra fan, like me....

But either way, I'm going to share some of my favourite songs. 

1) Gustav Holst's The Planets Op 32 Jupiter, the Bringer of Jolity. 

Even if you HATE classical music, do at least try to listen from part 3:15 to  5: 13 Isn't it beautiful? :')

Oh yes, the melody of this song is incorporated into one of Britain's patriotic songs 'I Vow to Thee My Country' which is also late Lady Diana's favourite song.

2) Joe Hisaishi's Journey to the West (Princess Mononoke OST)

The song is quite similar to 'Jupiter' in some parts. It has a more melancholic tune. Unlike 'Jupiter', this song had managed to capture my attention even from the first beat. 

I love most of Joe Hisaishi's songs that I couldn't afford to put every video here. 

3) 

>50 million cm from Le Home

Salam 'alaik...

 I am here, typing in my new room situated in a mahallah in the boring land of IIUM Kuantan. How I really wish that I'm studying in Gombak instead (still taking Pharmacy), instead of being stuck here in the far away land of the eastern region, away and awaaayyy from the land of Merong Mahawangsa. No offence to the 'native people' of Kuantan. Kuantan is more developed than Sungai Petani, in my parents and siblings' opinions. It's just that it's so so so far away from home. You see? And I'm not going to take back my words which said 'IIUM Kuantan is boring' for it is indeed... Boring. *put hands over chest dramatically*

As contrary to a particular blog post which I have posted one year ago, I am not going to rant about how 'homesick-ish' am I feeling. Why is that so? The answer is, ladies and gentlemen, I DO NOT HAVE ANY FEELING OF HOMESICK AT ALL AND THIS IS VERY EXTRAORDINARY AS MY FAMILY MEMBERS REGARD ME AS A 'FAMILY-WOMAN' LOL.

The more peculiar thing is that, I even felt (feel) really excited and enthusiastic upon starting my brand new 3rd year study in the land of the nerds! This is really astonishing, isn't it?

After unpacking my bags and boxes, I have discovered several things
1. 'Unpacking' is indeed an easier work as compared to 'packing them all in boxes'.
2. I couldn't find my camera charger which I thought I brought it home but couldn't find it at home and so I thought it was left in IIUM in one of the boxes which later turned out to be untrue as well sigh so I'm gonna hunt for the charger in ecm or whatever store sigh sigh.
3. I lost my spoon. I is sad. I loveth that spooneth. :((

Oh yes, how I lost my homesick feeling.

a) To tell the truth, I felt the homesickness about 2 weeks before returning to UIA. Haha.  I could say that the feeling had been drained over until none is left by the time I returned to UIA. That is the first reason.

b) The second reason is that, I am very determined to make my parents proud by giving my very best for this semester. And I know Allah is helping me and He wants me to succeed as well! In other words, I know that Allah is together with me on this journey towards success. I don't really feel alone then. :D
Also, I have re-watched Dae Jang Geum during the semester holidays and I was (am) struck by her perseverance and diligence. After watching the whole series, I could derive a conclusion:

Just focus on your goal straight ahead, don't think of the things on your left and right that tried to distract you and pulled you away from your path towards your goal. In this case, the 'things' could be emotional feeling and all those negative stuffs.

So, I am going to make Jang Geum my inspiration! YEAH!! LOL.

c) I good-naturedly told my brother that whatever it is 'I can always come back homeee' *sings Jason Mraz's songs*



93 million miles from the Sun, people get ready get ready,
'cause here it comes it’s a light, a beautiful light, over the horizon into our eyes
Oh, my my how beautiful, oh my beautiful mother
She told me, "Son in life you’re gonna go far, and if you do it right you’ll love where you are
Just know, that wherever you go, you can always come home"

240 thousand miles from the Moon, we’ve come a long way to belong here,
To share this view of the night, a glorious night, over the horizon is another bright sky
Oh, my my how beautiful, oh my irrefutable father,
He told me, "Son sometimes it may seem dark, but the absence of the light is a necessary part.
Just know, you’re never alone, you can always come back home"

You can always come back…back…

Every road is a slippery slope
There is always a hand that you can hold on to.
Looking deeper through the telescope
You can see that your home’s inside of you.
Just know, that wherever you go, no you’re never alone, you will always get back home


Indeed, Jason Mraz's '93 Million Miles' had managed to lift up my spirit, to even inspire me to do my best in what I do (so that I'd end up loving it LOL) and....

Whatever happens, wherever I am, I would remind myself that I still have Allah, I still have my family and that I could always come back home (or home(family) will come to me when I need it- it happens once.

So Sarah, you have your family to turn to, why should you be sad/feel homesick? Haha. Have faith that Allah will look after your family and that whenever you're alone in a faraway land without any of your family members with you, He will always be there *sings Maher Zain's song*

In return for the countless bounties and blessings that Allah had bestowed on me (and that includes the wonderful blessing of having a loving, complete family), I'm going to give my very best, to utilize my utmost capability, to express my gratitudes by studying hard, to help the less fortunate; those who are not as fortunate as I am.

 I know that I can do it. Insya-Allah. Amiin.. Please pray for me, everyone. :D

Bought Haruki Murakami's 1Q84!!! :D

Different cover, though.

Optimistic Realists vs Pessimistic Realists

I've always pride myself on being able to see the brighter side of things in every life's events, to believe that there are good things to come after each disappointment, to try to carve a big smile early in the morning, believing that it will leave a permanent mark on my face throughout the day, to not really take things too seriously, to look at certain things that need to be looked superficially (by not digging deep into that matter that might brought devastation once uncovered), in other words, I've always been an optimistic person.

But of course, it is not easy to maintain your optimism if you're surrounded with pessimists and realists. The kind of people which could pulverize your dreams, blowing them to disperse in the thin air (what kind of terminology am I using?). To tell the truth, we are all realists, but whether we are the 'optimistic realists' or the 'pessimistic realists', the choice is ours.

Let's face it, there is no person in this world who is 100% optimist or 100% pessimist. There is 'a realist' inside us, because we're living in the reality, not in a make-believe world. 

For example, in the case of 'Sharlinie', the girl who went missing in 2008, 4 years had passed until now and she was never found and there is not a single valid trace that could lead us to her. 

The optimistic me still believes that she is out there, that she is still alive, that somehow, she will be reunited back with her family if God wills it. I couldn't avoid to brush out the bad things that might have happened to her, I'm a realist as well. Bad things could have happened to her, nevertheless I still believe that she is still alive out there, and my prayer goes out to her.

But the pessimistic realist would go... '4 years had passed. I'm sure that girl had died long ago'.

Of which kind of annoyed and saddened me at the same time.

You get the difference? Which one do you prefer? The former or the latter? I'm sure most of you would have picked the former. :P 

Nevertheless, an optimistic realist could turned into a pessimistic realist, if she is surrounded by a whole bunch of them, or if she's close to that pessimistic realist, often hearing the PR (pessimistic realist) complaining about things that she had never ever thought before.

Pessimistic realists often think too much, digging too much emotion that it affects her own moods. Which in turns, give out negative vibes to the people around her, turning the once optimistic realist into a pessimistic realist.

For example

'I couldn't go out for dinner with you today. I have to meet a important person,'

The optimistic realist would just accept the fact the way it is. Okay, couldn't go out for dinner. Well, being a realist, you're disappointed that she cancelled the dinner just because she wanted to have it with another important person. But the optimistic you saves your emotion by thinking on the bright side. She had to meet an important person. Possibly because the matter is very important that the dinner is cancelled. Fine, you accept it.

The pessimistic realist would also accept the reason. But being a pessimistic, she would begin to think of various other 'possibilities' on why she doesn't want to have a dinner with you. Things like 'It seems like that person is more important than I am,' or 'She cancelled a dinner planned long ago just because she wanted to meet a person for a newly scheduled dinner arrangement?' which later turns to 'She is not a good friend. She values that person more than she values me,'. and BAM! absolute pessimism 'I know that I'm not as rich as that person, not as successful, and that is why she chose to have dinner with that person instead of with me. 

But once the pessimistic realist said these following concise, thoroughly thought over thoughts to the optimistic realist, the optimism of the optimistic realist begins to waver. 'I've never thought of it this way before!' and she is angry of herself for only being able to see things the way they are, for being so superficial and shallow, angry that she had been deceived by the friend-who-cancelled-dinner. 

And that's it. Two pessimistic realists.

To think again, is it necessary to think too much? Is it wrong to look at things superficially without giving too much thoughts about them? 

Sometimes, when you think too much, you muddled your own thinkings. Would you rather to think that the friend think highly of you or do you prefer to think the opposite (even if the opposite is true).

As for me, I'll try my best to uphold my 'optimistic realist' principle, to look for the good in others, to avoid inner and external conflicts, I love peace and serenity, I hate conflicts, I hate being sad and I hate being angry. I could always avoid myself from having those negative feelings by CHOOSING not to have them, by choosing not to think about bad things that in a way, have some correlation with me, thus making me upset.

I'll think of the good in others. I'll practise 'Husnuzhon', which means having good thoughts about others. I have had some experiences of which Husnuzhon prevailed over bad thoughts. I know that Allah is testing me. I even felt bad of initially having some negative thoughts about the people. I'm sorry! 

Whatever it is, you have the choice to choose how you wanted to feel. The late Stephen R.Covey had countlessly stated in his book 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' that you have the choice to choose your response after being exposed to the stimulus.

I hate having negative thoughts, I hate being a pessimistic realist. It makes me miserable, it changes my outer appearance, I hate being unhappy. I hate that I have chosen to become unhappy when I know that I could have chosen to become happy!

So, you the 'optimistic realists' out there, try to strengthen your qualities. Build a bubble shield that covers yourself so that no destructive amount of pessimism could penetrate through and shatter it, but allow the optimism to pass through the shield, and spread it around to others.

I really sound like a motivator right now. Pfttt...

Actually, I have had a brief moment of transition into a pessimistic realist, but a chat with my mother made me realize all these- these that I have written, reversing the transition and here I am, an optimistic realist again, Alhamdulillah. Surely, Allah worked out his wonders in ways that we, the mere, powerless human beings could never configure.

I'll try my best to stay as an 'optimistic realist'. Yups! 

With that, Assalamualaikum w.b.t, may peace be upon you! Adieu, Adios, Sayonara and if you're reading up till this point, then I must offer you a virtual congratulatory hand shake because you have proven yourself to be an awesome human being! Thank you! :D 

The Escape

You know, sometimes it'd be really delightful to just escape from all these things that muddled our thinkings and emotions, this thing called 'the reality' and just packed up your backpack to move into a totally different world and stay there for a while, as if you are enjoying your holiday, meeting totally new, interesting, quirky people, talking and listening to them, listening to what they have to say for a change, to listen to things that are actually not related to you, minor, measly things like why 'Suki always take the kettle off again after Polly put it on,', to actually fight the real monster, to save a damsel in distress, to witness anything extraordinary, to live a life full of real adventures, not the kind of 'life is actually a series of adventures of how you quickly stand up after falling down over and over again', to experience the kind of life you wish to have when you read the books, when you watch Hayao Miyazaki's films, to take a time-off from the reality.

In that case, I should write a book and mingle with the fictional characters, living in the fictional world that I have created. 

I guess that's the reason how JK Rowling got out of her depression.

No, I'm not depressed. I'm just a little bit upset. The Dementors had blown me a kiss, and all I need is a hot mug of Milo (my version of Chocolate Frog). 

Sometimes, you really need to be alone for a while, to reflect on your life. 

Of course, Allah is always there to listen to you. And it's easier to communicate with him when you're alone, knowing that there's only the two of you (of course Allah is there whether you're alone or not but you get the point, don't you?)

Okay, adieu. 

APPS Taiwan: Sky Lanterns

A picture speaks a thousand words. I give you EIGHT pictures. So, EIGHT THOUSAND WORDS!!!

The Wonder of Braces

A random post again.

No, actually it is not that random.

Today is the 2nd of Ramadhan 1433, 22nd of July 2012.

My phone is still alive, and so am I, alhamdulillah.

I went to the orthodontist at Metro Specialist Hospital for my braces appointment. It was supposed to be at 4.30 pm and it looked like I was the last patient who was waiting outside the room. I could hear the doctor talking and nagging inside the room, drilling something onto the poor patient's teeth.

I brought Cecelia Ahern's 'A Place Called Here', of which I have read 3-4 years ago, but decided to read again. I must say, this book is one of Ahern's boring books. I love Cecelia Ahern! I have read all of her books! (though I haven't bought the recently released one, which is half A4-sized and a bit expensive, gotta wait for the normal paperback size). I've reread 'The Book of Tomorrow' the week before, and I was so captivated with the storyline that I decided to revise all her other books. 

Okay, enough about Cecelia Ahern. Back to 'Braces' story.

So, I waited and waited patiently and hungrily for the nurse to call out my name. Then, at about 4.55, the patient inside the room came out. I waited for the nurse to call my name. 

Just when I was about to close my eyes, the nurse called me and smiled upon seeing me almost dozing off. 

Went inside, took off my glasses, put the 'sunglasses'. sat on the yellow dentist chair, the orthodontist lowered the chair, followed his every instruction:-

Open wider!

Close!

Bite!

Open!

Bite!

Then he twisted some sort of wires, tightened my braces, which made my teeth and gum feeling sore. Your teeth are moving, of course it hurts!

Back at home for iftar, my teeth hurt as I chewed the Rendang Daging. But my hunger overpowered my pain and I successfully sliced and chewed through the meat! Yeehaa!!

At night, I couldn't really sleep because it was very painful. But nothing could beat the pain I first felt when I first got my braces last year. I couldn't sleep properly and I almost cried because of the intense pain! ALMOST okay, almost. I did not cry. 

Anyway, I survived, woke up early for sahur. My teeth hurt still. You want to know the sensation?

Open your mouth really wide, expose your teeth, then ask someone to punch your teeth. Yeah, that was how it felt like, I think. Because no one ever punched me, haha. But majority of those who wear braces describe the pain as being like that- getting your teeth punched by someone, or getting your teeth being hit by a high-speed baseball. 

I checked out my teeth at the mirror, and I was surprised (still surprised) and delighted to find out that the gaps had been half-filled in just one night! The wonder of braces, you see? Haha, I guess it will take another two or three appointments for the gaps to be fully closed. Another year to go, or maybe another year after that. I only got my teeth checked 6-7 times in a year. 

My teeth still hurt as I'm typing this. No pain, no gain, right?

Phony death

It's the first day of Ramadhan!

Ramadhan al-Mubarak everyone!

I have read several blogs and I must say, those that interest me are the ones which the bloggers posted totally random entries just to kill their boredom. LOL. 

I'm glad that there's not many people out there who read this blog so I could write as freely (not quite, there's still restriction) as I could!

Yeah, just returned from the 12th Asia Pacific Pharmaceutical Symposium (APPS) held in Taipei, Taiwan. I'll post entries about it, insya-Allah. Maybe not in the short time period. Well, sooner or later. I shall post about my 8-days adventures and what I learned from the experiences! Yes!

Back to the title of the entry. I have been using my current phone for 4 years and 4 months. Yup. It is still functioning well. The screen, the keypad, etc are still intact. There are only minor scratches at the back, due to uncountable times of it falling to the ground, bla bla. 

The only problem is... the battery is weak! The heart of my phone is weak. I need to charge my phone once a day at least, because the power runs out very quickly.

Sometimes I got fed up and just left the phone lifeless for about 1 day or 2, which means that I couldn't contact anyone during that period. I'm so happy at home that I don't need a phone,yeah.

My parents are offering to buy a new phone for my birthday. That sounds agreeable, but not really. I couldn't bear to be apart with my fellow phone, the one who was with me through thick and thins. The one who woke me up every morning for Subuh prayer. Yeah, I love my phone.

So just now, I charged my lifeless phone again. It refused to come back to life. I tried pressing the 'On' button for 2 to 3 times, but to no avail. Hereby, I pronounced the time of death to be at around 9 something am on the 21st of July 2012, 1st of Ramadhan. 1433.

I was a bit sad initially, and after a few moments, I thought about my parents' offer. I was immediately comforted and delighted with the prospect of having a new, cool phone.

I went out from the room, thinking about the kind of phone that I'd like to have, and after I've made up my mind,  I came back into the room again to check out on my old phone. Imagine my surprise when I saw the screen was all lit up. 

Status: Charging

PFTTT. My phone faked its own death! Or perhaps it came back to live upon hearing that I'd be getting a new phone (we have 4 years worth of relationship, you see). So I couldn't get a new phone. Well, I could, if I wanted to. But no thanks. I'll use it until it is finally  unusable, then I'll buy a Samsung Android/Galaxy SIII or something (depending on the latest model at that time). Not Blackberry please. Blackberry is boring. Yup.

With that, thank you...

I think I shall make a wordpress account of which I could write serious stuffs on current issues or something. Something 'journalistic'. Haha. 

Okay, thank you. Assalamualaikum w.b.t. Eid Mubarak Ramadhan al-Mubarak to all Muslims around the world and happy holiday to the others! :) 

P.S. I miss writing these kind of stuffs. I don't have to check on the sentence structure/grammatical incoherence/spelling mistakes. Just write everything out. Ahh, it is so pleasant.

Stairs

Written during exam week (can't remember exactly when). Taken from my journal. 

I dreamed about stairs again. In fact, I have had countless dreams about stairs. 

In those dreams, I was really reluctant (AFRAID!) to take even another step up or down the stairs.

Why oh why?

Those stairs were depicted as being situated at a very high level, and there were spaces between each step where you could see the ground which further gives you acrophobia ( irrational fear of height) or just plain altophobia (fear of high places).

Macam mana kalau jatuh? Macam mana kalau kaki patah? Macam mana? Macam mana? Tinggi tahu!

What's more, the open spaces between each step are very WIDE. It's like, you'd have to leap or jump to reach to the next step.

Often have I succeeded in moving on to the next step, no matter how wide those spaces are, no matter how scary it was if you looked down, realizing that you're way too far from the ground. 

So last night, I dreamed of going to class with some of my close friends. On the way to our class, we had to climb up a series of stairs (that are widely spaced) up the way to the topmost rung.

I held on to the railings of the stairs firmly and ascended the stairs, trembling because of the height.

And voila! All of us reached the top of the stairs, where there was some sort of a landing. I reached there first. The stairs did not end there even thought it was the topmost step. In order to reach the class/ lecture hall, you were required to move another step DOWN.
 "Oh, no way!". The space between the landing and that lower step was very big. 

I couldn't do it! I thought, as I looked down to the ground between the space of the top landing and lower landing. My roommate, Dibah asked me 'Sarah? Kenapa tak jalan lagi?'

I said to her sadly 'Tak boleh! Aku takut!'

'Seriously Sarah?' bukan dah selalu guna ke tangga ni?

I felt like I should just descend the series of widely spaced stairs again and take the elevator instead. Anything but this, THE LEAP. But then again, I was scared of going down the stairs! 

Dibah then leaped to the lower landing with ease. Upon seeing her did that, I decided to try to take the leap. I told her 'Eh tunggu, tolong aku!' and she waited for me.

I slowly sat on the upper landing and I tried to reach the edge of the lower platform using my legs. Satisfied then, I quickly released myself. I almost fell, but Dibah caught my hands and I successfully landed on the lower landing.

As I looked behind, I realised that there were many people waiting to 'take the leap' as well. It's as though my indecisiveness kept them on hold. LOL. 

Dibah and I then walked through the door that was situated at the end of the lower landing and the rays of sunshine greeted us (I'm not kidding!) 

The dream intrigues me. What if this is a sign from Allah? I know I'm being ridiculous. But everything happens for a reason, am I right? There's no such thing as a coincidence, even if it's a dream (at least I think so, because this dream had been recurrent).

Climbing up, afraid of falling to the ground
Climbing up with fear, with every effort and courage I could muster
Nevertheless, the 'dream me' managed to reach to the top.
But that was not my true goal. To be so high up, far from the ground.
That is why I wasn't given any choice. It's either stay there or go down to reach your destination.

It was there. I need to jump! (in my case, I slowly go down) to the lower landing to reach for the door (my ultimate goal). Please note that the door was not situated at the top landing but instead, at the lower landing.

visual aid (because I'm really bad in describing T___T)

Sometimes, true happiness, your goals and dreams might not be achieved on the topmost level. For example, being the richest, most famous, cleverest, prettiest, in other word, by being THE BEST.

True happiness might be situated a bit lower than that level. Above the middle level, almost to the top. Well, it depends on people. At least that's how I interpret it.
Maybe Allah is trying to tell me that ultimate happiness is not by being the BEST. It's suffice to be AMONG the best, and that you are surrounded with people that you love and love you.
But then of course, you'd have to give your best, take your chances, carefully, not impulsively (or else you might fall to the ground) and NEVER GIVE UP.

Whatever it is, move on.
No matter how hard it is, no matter how uncertain you are of the future. No matter how big those gaps between the stairs is, just climb up slowly, carefully.

Don't just stay at the same place.
In life, there comes a time when you'll have to take chances.
Take a risk to move on towards your goal.
Or if you don't dare to take the risk, you'll just stay where you are.

Looking at the people behind me, I feel a sense of pride within myself for being able to take the leap, the chance.
Are those people feeling apprehensive on taking the leap?
Or are they just waiting patiently for me to take the leap so that they could move on? LOL.

Yes, work hard, Sarah!

On the other hand,

I'm off to this place, staying there for 8 days. Hint: The place of the second tallest building in the world.
Please pray for the safety of our 8-days journey there. Pergi dan pulang dengan selamat, insya-Allah. :)

With that, may peace be upon you!