I would like to think that it is sad that I no longer have time to do things I love like writing stories, reading, sketching and painting, to name a few. But no, I do not feel sad at all. I think it's normal that I have to shift most of my attention towards work , and that means spending my weekends at the hospital, rushing to work early in the morning and returning home almost 12 hours later, doing my assignments, studying for the tests and examinations (yup!) and I think I had grown adapted to this routine.
Whenever I was working, and the department's phone would ring, I would pick it up and some doctors would usually make enquiries on the dosage of drugs (maximum dosage, pediatric dose, etc) and while I was instantly baffled, trying to digest all those information, and of which I would eventually ask my preceptors regarding the answers, it struck me wonder that most of them were able to answer the questions in just a split second! I would like to become like them one day, ameen! :)
I once asked an FRP "Do you feel stressed out when you were a PRP?" and she answered "Ya lor, of course I was stressed. But I am glad that my preceptors were hard on me or else, I wouldn't learn many things and become better,"
My daily routine also includes listening to Lite fm. I love most of the songs there, haha, and also I love listening to Shaz and Steve (and occasionally Anita)'s conversation with one another in their morning section. They made my day. Thanks! :)
The ride back home is the best! If I'm too tired, I would just drive leisurely at the left side of the highway, singing along to all those evergreen songs on Lite fm.
Sometimes, the songs that were played on the radio resonated with my current mood, and they offered me courage to face the day ahead.
For examples, Des'ree's 'You Gotta Be', Queen's 'We are the Champion', Michael Jackson's 'Man in the Mirror' and Bette Midler's 'From a Distance', among others.
Aside from a few of them, most of the people working there are really great and helpful!
And my mom keeps on giving me hints to get married.. T____T
I don't even have anyone special, how to get married? Hahaha. And oh, I don't know how to cook, how to get married? LOL, to which my mom would say 'Ahh.. cooking is easy la, you can do it once you have to do it,'
I don't know, for now, I'm focusing in my relationship with my Creator. I'm contented with always trying to please Him, and for now, only He is sufficient for me.
Plus, I know that I'll be turning 25 this year, but I still possess some childish attitudes that will urm...bring conflict to the marriage? Hahaha. For example, I love spending time alone, and I dislike people coming into my room and invading my privacy. And I hate people telling me to do this and that, (other than my parents la of course). If my husband asked me to iron his clothes while he sits lounging around the couch watching TV, while I was tired coming back after a long day of work (and that I also need to iron my own clothes), then I could not tolerate this behaviour. I could not be submissive. I'm sorry, my future husband. I would love us to become best friends forever till Jannah, and that we could share the burden together, and help each other. But if you're looking for someone who can manage your life, while you are relaxing everyday, then you need a maid, not a wife. Hey, even our Prophet (pbuh) washed and mended his own clothes.
I would like us to have healthy arguments, bickering and bantering with each other (friendly of course) about certain issues. I would really hate it if whenever I disagree with you, you would say 'You're nusyuz. You are supposed to follow your husband's orders. Do you know that it's a sin not to do so?'
In short, it's not like I don't want to get married but rather, I am scared of getting married. I am scared that I would regret my life after getting married, and that I feel I am better off being single and free, rather than to live with someone who monitor my every movement and made me miserable with his chauvinistic attitudes. Not many people could understand this. Some women would just say 'it's a wife's duty to be submissive towards her husband, so just be patient'. Oh no, I can be patient with just one miserable year of PRP-ing but marriage is supposed to last forever, till death to us part kind of thing (in this world), and I really couldn't tolerate twenties or thirties of years of misery from marriage. Hahaha...
If there is jodoh for me, then there is one la, and that Allah is reserving him for me, it's just that the time is not right yet. If there isn't, then it's okay. So what? I could just focus on loving Allah, and to love Him more! :)
On a last note, I don't know who,(in my workplace) is spreading the rumour that I am already engaged, until some people asked me 'Bila nak kahwin?' My face looks like someone who just got engaged ke? =___=
It's a great life so far, being single. :)
