As for now, I have to be strong. It is during this period that I realized that being strong is the only option in life. I might be shaken with fear, remorse, sadness and that my soul might collapse anytime. But I keep on asking for help from Allah to make me strong every single day and Alhamdulilah, I'm feeling better than I was a week ago.
Oh yes, UIA. One of the things that I miss about UIA is the usrah/study circle. It's a weekly 'supplement for the souls' section. I love it when we would break fast together at the mosque and performed congregational prayers soon after, and ended our session with the discussion about life, Islam, etc.
I miss walking to the mosque from my Mahallah. I miss those times where I would just go to the mosque alone and spent time there from Maghrib to Isyak praying, reading the al-Quran and just cried my heart out towards Him. It was just so peaceful. It was only me and Allah, in a beautiful place (the mosque is beautiful and comfortable). Imagine how is it like to be able to pray in front of the Kaabah, in the Holy Land of His beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w? I will go there one day, insya Allah.
I am glad that Allah had given me great supportive family and friends during this difficult period. A friend of mine said that 'Sarah, this is the time that Allah wants to test you. He will never leave you alone,"
I then asked her fearfully 'Do you think I have failed this test?"
And she said 'No,".
Which got me thinking, Allah is so Great. He gave us test, and at the same time He gave us courage and strength to overcome this test until we had finally passed this test.
And another quote stating 'the Teacher is always quiet during the test'.
It's just so hard for me. This is just dunya okay. It is a transient phase, temporary. This world is not meant to be perfect. Yasmin Mogahed had said that 'this world is designed to break our hearts'. and that every trial serves a purpose of bringing us closer to Allah. I pray that I will always be close to Allah. Ameen.
Sometimes I would dream about how the life at Heaven would be like. I could do whatever I want, and have anything my heart desires. I could have my own ocean, where I could swim in, walk inside without any need for oxygen, my hair brushed against the sea breeze as I walk along the beach (it had been a loong time since I experienced this-since wearing tudung) could go to any beautiful place I want to, I have my family members and friend with me, no one to scold me or hurt me, not a single worry in my heart, only eternal happiness and laughter.Well....Jannah is so beautiful. Perhaps Allah is reserving something for me in the heaven when I'm struggling with this moment of difficulties. Insya Allah.
For now, please give me strength to finish and complete this Test ya Allah. Ameen Ya Rabbal Alamin.
Please pray for me.
2 comments:
You become mature day by day. You've really grown. The more He test you, the more He loves you. His love towards you is more than your love towards Him. Always remember this, if Allah helps you, none can overcome you. But beware, if Allah forsake you, none can help you. Always and always make du'a. It is our greatest weapon. Beauty come from within.
Thank you. Allah had indeed helped me, alhamdulillah. :)
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