But really, the more time I spent knowing myself, the more I realized that I am more of an introvert rather than an ambivert or extrovert.
In the morning when I wake up to drive myself to work, I cherish the 30-40 minutes journey cruising along the hallway, listening to Steve and Shaz's Lite Breakfast Section or simply singing along to songs I know the lyrics of.
Most of the time I would just silently drive and had a lot of thinking. A moment of self-reflection, which includes devising the strategies that I shall employ to survive another day at work, my future plan, my so-called problems and the problems of others, the ideas of my books and many more.
When I came back from work, particularly after facing a rough day, I would usually stop by the petrol station, bought a can of cold coffee latte and just sit in my car, listening to the songs on the radio and again, trying to mend myself back together. I had done the same thing when I was in university. Whenever I got stressed up with my studies or anything, I would go to the canteen, bought myself a coffee and just sat there. Alone. Amidst the large crowd there who were waiting for their dinner to be ready.
Sometimes I would head up to Secret Recipe and get myself an ice-blended green tea or an ice-blended caramel coffee. Caffeine, I learned, really helps in reducing stress- in my case. I would then sit in the cafe, reading a book while sipping the drink.
I also love to eat by myself. In the university, I often ordered a large dinner at the cafe. Then I'd just pick a secluded spot where I could just enjoy my meal and read the Adventures of TinTin comics.
Books are great companies!
So after coming back from work, I went to Pizza Hut or KFC and just ordered whatever meals. If i weren't reading books, I would just observe my surrounding, thinking, reflecting, people-watching.
I especially love going to the bookstore alone. Walking from one shelf to another, I would inspect each titles, longingly and lovingly stroke them as what a cat lover would do to the cats. Sometimes, I would walk out of the shop empty handed but there were times where I was inclined to spend something on books. I might not finish reading them, but I love to collect them.
Some of my friends couldn't understand how on earth could I manage to roam the shopping complex by myself or worse, watching a movie at the cinema all alone. Watching a horror movie, to top it off. A friend even said "Sarah, nanti nak pergi mana-mana, bagitahu je kitorang. Kesian pergi sorang-sorang,". To which I just laughed. I couldn't seem to find the 'kesian' part.
But I don't know. I have learned to enjoy my own company. I enjoyed having conversations with myself. I enjoy to do something without getting interrupted by people around me.
But I do know my limits. Being a girl, I am more exposed to the bad things of this world. I dare not to go to any secluded, strange places alone. I would have never dreamed of becoming a solo backpacker.
If I were a guy, I might just impulsively book a ticket to somewhere for the weekend and just enjoy myself there, alone, just like what my brother did. In fact, there are many things I wish to do if I were a guy. But never mind, I am a girl. A woman.
For now, going to the shopping mall alone is the most I could do.
But at the same time, I do enjoy the company of others. I dislike being in crowded places filled with unfamiliar faces. I love spending time with my siblings and my close group of friends. But it's not like I am totally dependant on having people to spend time with. I am totally contented with spending time with myself, thank you very much.
So there. I guess I'm about 90% introvert and 10% extrovert? I feel like reading Susan Cain's 'Quiet'. Perhaps I would find people who are the same as I am.
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