quarter age

Hello there. I think no one reads this blog anymore.
Or that there are less people reading this blog now as compared to the yesteryears, LOL.

But it's okay. Come what may, I shall continue writing! 

Anyway, about the pending promised Seoul Trip Post (HAHAHA) well, I shall write about it, sooner, or later (looking somewhere else). 

So, the topic for today is, 'Quarter -life Crisis'. 

I had hit the age of 26 this year, and I'm going to turn 27 next year. 

I thought I had life figured out.

I thought I would just go with the flow. 

I was wrong. I am wrong. 

Even at this age, I am clueless as to which direction should I choose to partake. 

I am puzzled as to what am I doing now. 

I got confused with the many choices and decisions I have to make. 

Or perhaps I had been thinking too complicated-ly. 

I had read several articles regarding this 'Quarter-life crisis' and apparently, I am not alone. 

What are the issues that really stemmed from this Quarter-life crisis?

- Passion. The grass is always greener on the other side. Ever since I finished my SPM, I kept on asking myself 'If Only,', 'If only I did that,' 'If only I followed my passion and do what I love,' all those 'ifs'. 

If you followed my 'life's progress' as chronicled in this blog since the year 2007, you would have known that my career choices that fall into the 'following my heart and passions' are as follows:

1. I want to become a historian. I want to study at Fakulti Sejarah Universiti Malaya and to listen to Prof. Khoo Kay Kim's lectures. I want to work at the National Archive, I want to become a curator of a museum. I want to publish books on the history of Malaya and the Malaccan Sultanate. I want to become an anthropologist. I want to become an archeologist. 

2. I want to become a teacher. 

3. I want to become a lawyer. I want to fight for the women's rights. I want to save those child brides and sexual slaves. 

I am very ambitious. I feel that I'm not a good enough pharmacist. There are so many things that I want do not know, so many questions that I could not answer, to the point that it overwhelms me, knowing that I am lacking in every aspect of this career. 

And thus, to escape this emotional hardship, I resorted towards blaming myself for not following my passion, as though doing so would eventually save me from this so-called predicament I'm facing in the first place. 

Of course, like I said, the grass is always greener on the other side. I thought that I would become a good historian as compared to a mediocre pharmacist. But, no one knows whether that's going to happen, right? 

There is a reason of why I was made a pharmacist rather than a historian. 

Being a pharmacist is hard, especially if you are ambitious like me. Especially if you are a ward/clinical pharmacist. I put too much expectations on myself. And when I couldn't do it, I sank into the pit of devastation. The only mantra I keep on repeating to myself 'Bukan senang nak jadi hebat'. And yes, sometimes I wonder whether I really want this, being a clinical pharmacist. I asked myself 'Is this what you want?' and I said 'Yes, maybe,'. But it's too hard! 

But later on, I managed to console myself. I am still young, had only been working for less than 2 years. It's okay if I don't know many things now. I can learn. The most important thing is to never stop learning and to never give up, ever! 

Plus, about following your passion? 

You can still do it. No one stopped you from doing so. 

Being a pharmacist should not stop you from following your passion. To become a historian, a writer, a teacher or maybe a human rights activist, LOL. 

Life is a series of adventures, after all. And we are the explorers. 

We should continue exploring. 

Even becoming a pharmacist is some kind of an exploration. 

I tell myself, 'What if you really become a historian? You would dedicate yourself only towards that field (history), telling yourself that 'This is it! This is my passion and I shall not look any further' without having any interest to explore the other fields of knowledge,'

That's all for now.

# My 2017 resolution includes 'To blog more, instead of ranting incessantly on twitter,' When I blog, I tend to have an in-depth discussion with myself, and I could reflect on my life better. Sometimes I found the answers to my own questions from blogging, just like in this post.