revelation

Found this on facebook: 

And I realize that I miss the short 2 days-1 night family retreat at Cameron Highlands just last weekend. The last time I had been there was in 2001, which is about 14 years ago! Whoa. So much had changed over there. It wasn't as cold as I remembered it to be. I am feeling a bit sad looking at those rapid (and somehow illegal somewhere) developments that took place there. :(
But nevertheless, I was spending a quality time with my family! And I felt happy. :) 

But during those short 2 days there, my mind was preoccupied with works. Unfinished works, to be precise. I hate the fact that the thought of work had been occupying my mind almost the whole time there.

I wish I had just left all thoughts about works aside and just enjoy the holiday.

As I returned working from this supposedly rejuvenating retreat, I had been greeted with a rather unpleasant encounter with that person I had been talking about before. Oh whatever.

And to think that I do not have any choice but to be in the same room with that person everyday, makes me feel all uncomfortable, my stomach tying up in knots and I feel very ill indeed.

Oh whatever.

Of course I keep on praying to Allah to help me to get through this. Never was there a day that I didn't ask for Him to ease the path for me.

And just now, right after I had finished the Asar prayer, and when I held up my hands to pray, my mouth automatically recited these words "Please ease the path for me to learn the things that you intend me to learn,"

At that time, I know that Allah had reserved a great deal of lessons for me throughout these moments of difficulties.

PRP is not just about 'passing PRP and proceeding to FRP', it's kind of a 'self-improvement and development rehab', for me to come out as a brand new, better person!

And I began thinking, guessing, pondering upon those 'lessons' that He had intended me to learn.

And I wrote these on my instagram:

And just like that, I felt like the glass case that had long enclosed me had been automatically shattered. The spell had been broken. Or at least I think so.

I feel much better. I know that He loves me, He is constantly watching me. He is constantly taking care of me. During this moment of difficulties, He had helped me SOOO much! He had guided me, He had comforted me. He had instilled peace into my heart. And I love Him so much!

I was in a state of stress, depression, anxiety (you name it) for the past few weeks/and months. But I think my faith in Him had a lot to do with me moving on with my life no matter how hard it is.
There is always a good reason of why seemingly bad things kept on happening to me. There must be. Thinking of this gives me hope. I realize that confiding to my family members and friends couldn't really change anything. And so I keep on confiding in Allah. Because I know He has the power over everything.

I had just finished reading Jay Asher's 'Thirteen Reasons Why' and I had rated it 5 stars. Here is my short review about it on Goodreads.

So, yeah. No need to explain more.

For now, I will try to develop a more positive attitude instead of forever wallowing in self-deprecation and self-pity insya Allah.

Allah wants me to become a better person. He wants me to be strong so that I could serve my purpose in life. The purpose that made Him created me in the first place. He had given me all these tests as a method to mould and groom me to what I am supposed to become in the future. This might sound kind of exaggerated but somehow, I know that this is true.

I must be strong so that I could lend my strength to others. To inspire others in life.

For now, I must pray. I must be patient. I must have faith in Him. I must be strong. I must pray for Him to make me strong.

And I must remember this: Allah loves me, very very much. :)