Stairs

Written during exam week (can't remember exactly when). Taken from my journal. 

I dreamed about stairs again. In fact, I have had countless dreams about stairs. 

In those dreams, I was really reluctant (AFRAID!) to take even another step up or down the stairs.

Why oh why?

Those stairs were depicted as being situated at a very high level, and there were spaces between each step where you could see the ground which further gives you acrophobia ( irrational fear of height) or just plain altophobia (fear of high places).

Macam mana kalau jatuh? Macam mana kalau kaki patah? Macam mana? Macam mana? Tinggi tahu!

What's more, the open spaces between each step are very WIDE. It's like, you'd have to leap or jump to reach to the next step.

Often have I succeeded in moving on to the next step, no matter how wide those spaces are, no matter how scary it was if you looked down, realizing that you're way too far from the ground. 

So last night, I dreamed of going to class with some of my close friends. On the way to our class, we had to climb up a series of stairs (that are widely spaced) up the way to the topmost rung.

I held on to the railings of the stairs firmly and ascended the stairs, trembling because of the height.

And voila! All of us reached the top of the stairs, where there was some sort of a landing. I reached there first. The stairs did not end there even thought it was the topmost step. In order to reach the class/ lecture hall, you were required to move another step DOWN.
 "Oh, no way!". The space between the landing and that lower step was very big. 

I couldn't do it! I thought, as I looked down to the ground between the space of the top landing and lower landing. My roommate, Dibah asked me 'Sarah? Kenapa tak jalan lagi?'

I said to her sadly 'Tak boleh! Aku takut!'

'Seriously Sarah?' bukan dah selalu guna ke tangga ni?

I felt like I should just descend the series of widely spaced stairs again and take the elevator instead. Anything but this, THE LEAP. But then again, I was scared of going down the stairs! 

Dibah then leaped to the lower landing with ease. Upon seeing her did that, I decided to try to take the leap. I told her 'Eh tunggu, tolong aku!' and she waited for me.

I slowly sat on the upper landing and I tried to reach the edge of the lower platform using my legs. Satisfied then, I quickly released myself. I almost fell, but Dibah caught my hands and I successfully landed on the lower landing.

As I looked behind, I realised that there were many people waiting to 'take the leap' as well. It's as though my indecisiveness kept them on hold. LOL. 

Dibah and I then walked through the door that was situated at the end of the lower landing and the rays of sunshine greeted us (I'm not kidding!) 

The dream intrigues me. What if this is a sign from Allah? I know I'm being ridiculous. But everything happens for a reason, am I right? There's no such thing as a coincidence, even if it's a dream (at least I think so, because this dream had been recurrent).

Climbing up, afraid of falling to the ground
Climbing up with fear, with every effort and courage I could muster
Nevertheless, the 'dream me' managed to reach to the top.
But that was not my true goal. To be so high up, far from the ground.
That is why I wasn't given any choice. It's either stay there or go down to reach your destination.

It was there. I need to jump! (in my case, I slowly go down) to the lower landing to reach for the door (my ultimate goal). Please note that the door was not situated at the top landing but instead, at the lower landing.

visual aid (because I'm really bad in describing T___T)

Sometimes, true happiness, your goals and dreams might not be achieved on the topmost level. For example, being the richest, most famous, cleverest, prettiest, in other word, by being THE BEST.

True happiness might be situated a bit lower than that level. Above the middle level, almost to the top. Well, it depends on people. At least that's how I interpret it.
Maybe Allah is trying to tell me that ultimate happiness is not by being the BEST. It's suffice to be AMONG the best, and that you are surrounded with people that you love and love you.
But then of course, you'd have to give your best, take your chances, carefully, not impulsively (or else you might fall to the ground) and NEVER GIVE UP.

Whatever it is, move on.
No matter how hard it is, no matter how uncertain you are of the future. No matter how big those gaps between the stairs is, just climb up slowly, carefully.

Don't just stay at the same place.
In life, there comes a time when you'll have to take chances.
Take a risk to move on towards your goal.
Or if you don't dare to take the risk, you'll just stay where you are.

Looking at the people behind me, I feel a sense of pride within myself for being able to take the leap, the chance.
Are those people feeling apprehensive on taking the leap?
Or are they just waiting patiently for me to take the leap so that they could move on? LOL.

Yes, work hard, Sarah!

On the other hand,

I'm off to this place, staying there for 8 days. Hint: The place of the second tallest building in the world.
Please pray for the safety of our 8-days journey there. Pergi dan pulang dengan selamat, insya-Allah. :)

With that, may peace be upon you!