Where will I sleep tomorrow?

To cut things short, my preceptor's husband passed away this morning. My mom and I went to the mosque to pay our 'final respect' to the 'arwah'.

The last time I ever attended a funeral was in 2010, where my grandmother passed away in Singapore.

She was a generally healthy person, with a moderate case of hypertension. The cause of her death is simply bacterial infection, possibly acquired when she was cutting the fish. She was being warded for about 2 months and passed away soon after.

As for my preceptor's husband, he had diabetes and his death is also attributed towards the extreme level of glucose in his blood. He was unconscious for almost a week when it was finally decided that it was the time to let him go (he had been surviving on machines) and yeah, he passed away after a week at the hospital.

My father's friend passed away right after he sent his daughter to the matriculation college. It was being alleged that he experienced a heart attack after carrying his daughter's luggage.

Another friend of his passed away when he was playing 'sepak takraw'. 

This got me thinking. I could be destined to die any moment now. Even when I'm typing this very sentence. You don't need a specific cause to die. If it's your time to die, then you will die. Sometimes, you would die because of unlikely initiation factors (like playing sepak takraw/carrying a luggage thus getting heart attack/respiratory failure or cutting the fish thus getting bacterial infection).

I don't know. I'm scared. I have so many debts towards Allah. I'm afraid that I won't be given enough time to pay the debts, and to strive in seeking his pleasure, to perform ibadah, etc.

I could die anytime now. If Allah decided that I shall die, then yes, I will. But then, he had given me chances to repent, to change something, to change myself for the betterment. He is giving me time to perform ibadahs, to please Him. 

Tonight, I will be sleeping on my bed at home, surrounded by my family members. Who knows, I might be 'sleeping' in the grave, all alone tomorrow? That I will be waiting fearfully as the 'Angels Munkar and Nakir' proceed to question me in the grave? And if I can't answer the questions, I will be punished and tortured? This makes me scared and sad.

I should be thinking about death a lot, so that the very thought of it would not lead me astray, away from the right and true path, so that it will guide me towards my creator, the most merciful Allah s.w.t. 

Read al-Quran a lot, for it will be your companion in the grave, illuminating the dark surrounding with its brilliant light, insya-Allah. 

Remember Allah always.