The Fear of Cliches

When I decided to resume blogging after 4 months of hiatus, I kind of promised myself to constantly blog at least once in 2 days. 

I haven't been blogging for 5 days now, LOL. 

I had been drafting several posts on different topics, but I couldn't manage to finish writing them. 

Speaking of writing, I had involved myself in a constant struggle of rewriting and finishing my novel. T___T

Almost everyone dreamed of writing his or her first novel. And almost everyone attempted to do it, but only some managed to finish it, while a few lucky ones got their works published. 

As for me, when I first started writing it, and that when I eventually finished the first draft , I was convinced that my ideas are good, that it is something new that had not been written by anyone before. I had this dream that this story that I'm about to tell could bring about a fresh flavour to our existing palate of fictional genres. 

But after some time, I started to doubt my own ideas, and my capability as a story-teller. The story that I'm about to tell is a bit cliched at some parts, and I couldn't think of anything else other than to painstakingly develop that 'cliched' parts into something less cliche. 

I am afraid that I will be heavily criticized for using the cliched, stereotypical elements in my stories. After much frustration, I decided that I have had enough. I leaned against my seat, staring blankly at my laptop screen, trying to clear my head off these tangles. I later realized that I am the harshest critic of my own writings. I tried to reset the whole story, to write and rewrite it back. I got tired of editing. I had spent 2 whole years of rewriting and editing because I wasn't satisfied with what I've written, and I never managed to finish writing it. It was the fear of using cliches that stopped me from going further. 

I have later ran out of ideas on what to make the story not too cliched. This later leads to a major writer's block. I must accept the fact that sometimes, cliche elements are needed as a pathway for the things that are going to happen. Or else it wouldn't make sense. Unless you're writing a fantasy novel of course, then even the most unusual things are acceptable. 

For this, I tell myself that the ideas I had gained for my first draft are good enough. They are the freshest ones, the first-borns that could be nurtured and molded to become something even better.

I decided not to be too harsh on myself. Stop rewriting new plots.  Focus on the existing ones, and develop further from there. I must create something good with what I have, instead of thinking of possible plots with what I do not have-the base to start with. Stop thinking of headache and stress-inducing complicated plots. I am not on that level yet. I am not writing with the purpose of winning the Man Booker Prize. Not yet. I should go easy on myself. Go with the flow. 

Most importantly,  I must write to please myself. Writing is supposed to be a source of escapism, and to bring into the picture the nonexistent people who would taunt and criticise me, would spoil the beauty of writing and the shatter the walls of this glass cave that I had confined myself in. Now why would I be sitting in a glass cave? So that I could look outside, and derive ideas for my stories of course (does this even make sense? Hahaha). 

All right. I must get back to my writing! 

P/S I cooked Telur Masak Kicap a few days ago. It tasted edible but didn't quite satisfy my tastebuds. The thing is,  I think it tasted the same like other Telur Masak Kicap I've eaten before. I don't know. I just don't develop a liking towards my own cooking. I'd often hold some prejudices against foods I cooked myself. It's like, I had warned my brain that my cooking would taste not-so-masterchefly. Oh man, how la like this? T__T I should stop being too harsh on myself!