Turtle or goldfish?

I've always been scared of animals. Anything that isn't human. Well to be truthful, human beings are scarier than those seemingly scary animals. 

I am so different from my siblings, of which all of them cat lovers, or well, animal lovers. I don't think they are scared of animals as much as I do. I even had to ask my housemate for help when a moth came flying into my room. Pfft... Don't get me even started on snakes or other reptiles *shudder*. 

Why am I even scared of them? 

They are so scary! And that I'm afraid of getting bitten! (by a moth? yeah right! Hey but it can happen!) 

When we were young, my siblings kept cats, a bird and even a pair of terrapins. One of the terrapins  died and we had to release the other one to the river as it kept getting bigger without enough space for us to keep it as we were living in a small apartment at that time. And I had never ever, even once, placed the terrapin on my palm because I was scared of getting bitten, LOL. During universities, I was also scared of the white lab mice when we were conducting the experiments. My fearless friend would be the one holding the struggling, wriggling mouse as I injected adrenaline onto its vein..

Well, I'm still scared of animals! Or insects! Except cockroaches. The non-flying ones. 

Then just this evening, out of the blue, it seemed like an epiphany. The idea just popped into my head. So many things happened for the past few weeks. I had officially turned 27 *yawn* and Fatin got transferred to Perak leaving me here with my books as companions in GM. I have no one to talk to anymore. Well, I have friends, but we're not that close for me to open up about my feelings. So sometimes I just talked to myself. So sad. 

Anyway, I saw this instagram post of my friend placing a cute little terrapin onto her palm and I feel like I need to have a pet. And I feel like having a pet tortoise/turtle/terrapin! The idea is so cool, right? I'm thinking of having just one turtle. The turtle does not need any companion. I am that turtle's companion! And off I went researching about 'having a turtle as a pet'. 

There are two things that ticked me off. 

1. Turtles can bite. They could get aggressive. And they could bite you, accidentally or not. And they said it hurts immensely!

2. 'Turtles commonly carry the Salmonella bacteria on their outer skin and shell surfaces'. Source: FDA. 

Frankly speaking, I'm more scared of Number 1 than Number 2. 

I had already been thinking of buying a small aquarium where I can carry it around, with a place for my turtle to bask on. I'm actually thinking of putting it under the care of my colleagues at the hospital any time I went for a long holiday abroad. We could have fun taking care of the turtle together. 

And just imagining the turtle walking slowly and languidly, awww, doesn't it look cute? 

I just have to replace the water, and buy the liquid to purify the water or something. And I just have to feed it with vegetables. I intend for my turtle to be a vegetarian. But then, what if it really craves for meat and bites my finger instead? 😱 Never mind. I'll buy it a chicken sausage. 

I'm going to name it Flecatus. I shall not explain about the origin of this name. It's a secret. 

And well, mulling about these two things that made me reconsider to have a turtle as a pet, the idea of keeping a goldfish materialized into my head. 

A pair of goldfish. So it won't get lonely. So biased, right? 

There are several good things of owning goldfish. 

1. Goldfish doesn't bite. Or if it does, it couldn't possibly hurt that much as compared to a turtle bite, right? 

2. They are so pretty! I could picture their gold scales gleaming brilliantly in the crystal clear water as they swim merrily within the vicinity of the aquarium. 

3. I only have to buy fish food. No need to buy a chicken sausage or vegetables. 

4. Keeping fish is regarded as therapeutic. At night, I could put a light in the small aquarium and just stare at it until I doze off. 

The minus points are:

1. I need to buy an air pump/water filter. I found out that an air pump is necessary to 'stir' the water, producing more oxygen for the fish to breathe in. But those fishes in the pond of my home doesn't need the air pump 24/7. Perhaps I should only turn on the air pump at night! So that there would be enough oxygen for them in the morning! 

2. I couldn't think of any, LOL.

So, it looks like keeping a goldfish is easier! 

So, yes! I think I'm going to buy a pair of goldfish! And I'm going to name them Celsius and Fahrenheit! 😎

YAAY!

UPDATE 19/1/2018: I still do not get myself a pet of any sort. LOL 

And I'm back!!! Again!

So, the abode is opened to public once again!

It happened in March this year. I was feeling rather overwhelmed for unknown reasons that I decided that I should take a social media detox. So, I deactivated my twitter, my facebook and even put my blog on private. I created a new Instagram account and only added the people whom I really know and close with. 

My Facebook detox had lasted for 4 months, I created a new twitter account and only followed my favourite authors and celebrities. I didn't RANT as frequently as I had before. In fact, I only posted 4 tweets so far, LOL.  And this blog, well, the last time I ever written something here was in January, thus I had been on blogging hiatus for almost 8 months! But actually, I had started writing here again this September, but it is only now that I made my blog public again. 

During those period of so-called social media detox, I felt happier and calmer. I took up new hobbies of creative journaling, inspired by the many talented people on instagram like @ronnycakes, @jobsjournal and @joychong. I'm still working in GM and it had been more than a year already! I had grown attached to this small town, my work and believe it, my workplace! I had learned a lot of things, went to many workshops, gained many experiences, know more people and I definitely feel happier and less stressed as compared to before.

In March 2017, I went to Siem Reap, Cambodia with my family. We visited the famous Angkor Wat, and the surrounding complexes like Angkor Thom, Ta Phrom and Bayon. We also had the opportunity to cruise around the Tonle Sap on a boat, with splendid view of the sunset and the floating village greeting our eyes. We also visited the boathouse school, just like in the movie 'Teacher's Diary!'. Okay, maybe I should make a blog post dedicated to this experience. 

In April 2017, I moved from a small room shared with another tenant (my friend, LOL) located at the first floor of the shophouse, to a proper house with a room of my own. And it's nearer to the hospital. And living in this house, I finally learned how to cook, for real! I now know how to properly tumis all the ingredients, even experimenting with various recipes (and sometimes I just campak-campak) and I'm no longer afraid of exploding oil from the wok/pan, hahaha. So, achievement unlocked! I thought I'd never be able to cook in my entire life! 

One of the highlights of the past months is the awesome, surreal experience of becoming the emcee for the Kelantan National Diabetes Updates for Pharmacists in July 2017. It was my first time emceeing for a national event since I left university. I'm glad that it turned out well, alhamdulillah.

With the VIPs and senior pharmacists.I was the only PF UF41 involved as a committee.  

With my beloved Rx9 girlfriends and Dr Ilyani, our lecturer from UIA! 

Another highlight is that I had written an article which is then published by MIMS Pharmacy, September 2017 Edition. It's officially my first foray into the world of medical journalism!

Front page

First page of my article. 

Will I be staying in GM for good? 

This is a tricky question. I do like working here, but I fear that I would be too afraid to venture out from this comfort zone. Plus, I need to return to my family, hahaha. I do not have any relatives here. My parents are getting older (not that old, but still...) and I need to spend more time with them and my siblings. And I feel the need to learn more. I had become accustomed to the types of drugs that are only available here (which are not that many) and I am scared of forgetting or not knowing the names and the doses of the other high end drugs. 

Unless....this hospital is upgraded into a Hospital Berpakar, and that there is a proper highway built from GM to Ipoh (with phone and internet coverage along the way), then I'll consider working here for a couple more years, haha. But urghh, all the kursus and meetings are usually held in KB, which is too far. With dangerous single-lane roads too! 

Never mind, let's not think too much about the future. Let's focus on the present! 

Ah, I really miss blogging. I had grown up with this blog so it's impossible to just abandon it and start a new one (I did, but I immediately missed writing here after posting one blog post there, LOL). 

That's all from me! 

My Hometown Heroes

Just yesterday, I found out that the film 'Adiwiraku' won the Best Film Category for the 29th Malaysia Film Festival 2017.

I had heard about the story that inspired the making of this film before, as it happened in my hometown of Sungai Petani, Kedah. It tells about the choral speaking team from SMK Pinang Tunggal winning 5th place for the Choral Speaking Competition of the Kuala Muda/Yan District Level! I feel so proud hearing this! I even shared this news on my facebook because I was so excited and elated! Because, SUNGAI PETANI! Why is it such an extraordinary feat? SMK Pinang Tunggal is a rural school where the students generally have low proficiency in the English language. So, it's a remarkable achievement for them to be able to memorize a 15-minutes choral speaking script written in English- as said by the main actress, and agreed everyone, at that. I am one proud Sungai Petani-an! 

Nevertheless, a gem discovered in my beloved SP! I just left the story there, not thinking much about it, feeling rather satisfied.

Little did I know that someone out there wasn't going to let this matter at rest, and that someone must have been deeply touched by this story that he decided to make a film out of this, and that this film eventually won Best Film in this year's Malaysia Film Festival!

This film was released on cinema last MARCH! How come I didn't know? Lack of promotions, maybe? 

And hence, the moment I found out about the existence of this film, I knew that I must watch it, pronto! Naturally, I searched for it on youtube, LOL. Of course it's not available there, only the trailer. But you know what, the trailer even made me go all emotional! *sobs*. 

I must watch it! Or else I could not sleep! I can't even find any legit website selling the original DVD or else I would and must buy it on the spot! I don't even have Astro. And well, after digging further into the wonderful world of Google search results, I found a website where I could stream this movie. DO NOT FOLLOW THIS EXAMPLE. THIS IS C'EST ABOMINABLE!

But I do not have much choices, right? But really, if they released a DVD of this film, then I would buy the ORIGINAL DVD. 

And well, here are the thoughts that I jotted down while watching this film. Such a note taker I am!

1. I love the premise of an Indian teacher and a Chinese teacher helping and inspiring the Malay students to excel. This is really touching as I had heard and even encountered a number of racist people and racial issues that later made me lose hope towards the concept of integration and tolerance. I mean, we are all Malaysians, right? Chinese, Indian, Malay, Iban, Kadazan, Dayak, Senoi, we should be helping each other towards success. Let's become successful together!

 But of course, God won't help you if you don't help yourself. In this case, the students helped themselves as well!

2.  Of both teachers watching the choral speaking video of the students from SIN MIN! SIN MIN? WHAT THE HECK! The reason for this incredulity will be explained later, LOL.

3. Of them recruiting the students to join the choral speaking team, even bribing those students with foods. We need foods! Foods are important!

4. Those beautiful, picturesque scenes of the paddy fields. OMG I miss Kedah so much! *cries while being stuck here surrounded by limestone caves*

Eh wait I just realized we could now put emojis on our blog posts! I had been blogging for almost 10 years already and FINALLY! 😊😊😊

5. The teachers wrote their own choral speaking script! Wow! I remember during my time, we just took any texts from the internet. No wonder we didn't win first place. 😅

Oh, just to tell you that I had been a part of my school's Choral Speaking Team for 2 years (Form 1 and Form 2). We won 2nd and 3rd places only. Never the first. WHY? Perhaps it's due to number 5. 

6. The memories of staying back after school almost every day just to practise our Choral Speaking. Even had to do ketuk ketampi each time we stuttered or stammered. Still didn't get first place. Only got aching legs. 💁

7. The amusing scene of Miss Fernando correcting the students' pronunciations. I laughed really hard at this scene. Their Kedahan dialects are too strong!

"SMK Pinang Tunggai,"

"TunggaL!"

"Tunggai!"

"TunggaL!" 

8. The background music. So touching. Appropriately inserted in certain scenes to express sadness, happiness, frustration and many other emotions.

9. Okay, I almost cried watching the scene whereby a girl named Kemboja had to work at the Petrol Station to support herself and her ailing father. She opened up the biscuit tin and found out there are only 2 pieces of biscuits left, to which she placed both of those biscuits onto her father's tupperware which has medications in it. *cries* 

"Teacher pernah tak tak makan 2-3 hari?" 😧

10. School bag with a big torn and hole in it that the school books just fell out of it. OMG. I had taken my beg sekolah for granted all these while.

11. A girl who took care of her mother with a mental problem, also got constantly beaten by her mentally-unsound mother. 

I feel so sad for these kids! I don't know, I felt speechless. I had taken my life for granted all these while. My parents had provided everything I needed when I was at school but you know, you tend to compare yourselves with your friends who could afford to buy expensive novels every week (okay, mostly jealous because of this LOL) and having cool stationery set and complete set of Stabilo gel liners (which you don't really need, actually) and the new Nokia N-Gage and Nokia Express Music (while you only had a Motorola phone without a camera, still, it's polyphonic with coloured screen- a big upgrade from Nokia 3310) when in fact, there are other people who are much less unfortunate than you are! Forget about having stationery or whatnots, those kids don't even have foods to eat! This is the sad reality of life. In the future when I have kids of my own, I would show them this film! (from the original DVD of which I'm going to buy later once they released it, LOL). 

12. The day of the choral speaking competition, held in SMK Sungai Pasir. I had been attending various events and competitions held at this school. Back then, SMK Sg. Pasir boasted the biggest and grandest hall so almost all district level competitions were held there, AT THE SCHOOL HALL! And it definitely brought back memories of my school days (which most of them are not good, LOL. I did not enjoy my school life to be truthful). 

13. Sin Min choral speaking team appeared once again. What's with them? They won the choral speaking competition for that year and the previous year, is it? During my time, there would only be these 3 schools in the Kuala Muda/Yan district who would dominate the Top 3 places. Convent (my school), Ibrahim (school next door) and Sin Min (another neighboring school). So you can see that we are rivals. The hate triangle relationship. 

14. A cameo of this teacher in charge of the Sin Min Choral Speaking Team. She is actually the ex-principal of Convent (not during my time but I've heard about her, LOL). 

14. SMK Pinang Tunggal was announced as the fifth place winner for this competition. Not a single mention of who won the Top 3 and I assume, no prize guessing who won the Top 3 in the competition, right? LOL. 

End of note. 

I love this movie. It's rare that a movie could constantly evoke many sorts of emotions that ran through my mind, heart and eventually my eyes from the beginning till the end. I didn't cry though. I got strong! 

YOU should watch this film. I'm not going to promote piracy by giving you the link. You have to find it by yourself, LOL. Or buy the DVD! Good luck! 

While Sunny was Sleeping

I am the kind of person who, upon chancing upon things that I eventually had taken a fancy on, would do that thing over and over again. Get it? No?

For example, if I like a certain food in this restaurant, I would keep on ordering the same thing until I got tired of it. The waiter would also eventually recognize my face and the food that I ordered so that the next time I came to the eatery, she would finish off my sentence when I was about to begin ordering the same menu. 

If I listened to a song and that it captured both my heart and ears I would listen to that song on a repeat mode over and over again, eventually memorizing the lyrics later on. 

If I started watching a particular movie, and that the movie had left a profound effect on me; simply said, if the movie managed to touch my heart, I would watch the movie again, up to 4 times in a week. By that time, I would have memorized almost all the dialogues in the movie. 

In the year 2017, currently there are 2 movies that I had loved so dearly, and that I had watched for more than 3 times in a month (or week, LOL). 

Those two movies are:

1. While You Were Sleeping (1995) starring Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman. 

This story is the sweetest rom-com I have ever watched. No love triangle whatsoever, no excessive conflicts, the hero and heroin are ordinary people with ordinary jobs (no fancy CEO of a company, multimillionaire if you know what I mean), and oh I have to make a list of my thoughts regarding this movie.  

a) I love Sandra Bullock. She's working at the ticket counter of the train station. She has no family, only a cat as her pet. She lives alone (with her cat-not so alone I guess) in an apartment. She is just an ordinary simple woman who does not really have much fashion sense or even desire to doll up herself, wearing minimal makeup (no way that was her bare face but still, she's pretty),  wearing the same jacket throughout the story (belonged to her late Father, as it turned out to be). She has a dream of traveling to Florence, Italy, but does not have the means to do so. The reason I like her character so much is probably because her life kinds of resonates with mine. Not really, I mean, I just know how she feels. I guess. *looks away* 

b) Bill Pullman has the sweetest smile ever. I would smile and swoon whenever he smiled and gazed intently towards Sandra Bullock. Bill Pullman is a guy who manages a family business (of buying furniture from dead people LOL) but yearning to pursue his own dream of designing furniture. Did I mention he has a really charming smile? And that his hair looks good in this movie?

Look at that gaze!

And that smile! 

c) The Callaghan family. Close-knitted family who are always grouped together whenever there is an event, whenever they go, even the time when Bill Pullman proposed to Sandra Bullock. 

He brought his entire family along when he proposed to the woman he loves! At the train station! Forget getting down on your knees or proposing at a fancy restaurant. 

d) I like the fact that this movie is more family-oriented. For example, from being totally alone with no family member of her own, Sandra Bullock finally got to experience the sweetness of being in a supportive and caring family. Seriously, the Callaghans are so sweet! Another example would be Bill Pullman not willing to forsake his relationship with his brother just for the sake of being together with Sandra Bullock even though the both of them really liked each other! He knows that he should not steal his brother's fiance! The moral of this story: Relationship between two brothers (or siblings) should always trump a romantic relationship! I like this premise! 

e) I also like it when Sandra Bullock found and achieved everything she ever wanted in the end. A family, soulmate, and that her dream of going to Florence came true. All because she saved Peter in the beginning of the movie. It shows that kindness goes a long way. Also it teaches you to be patient. When the right time comes, everything will fall into place, in just a short time. In this case, it was just for a one week duration when Peter Callaghan was 'sleeping' (read: comma). 

f). There are only two kissing scenes in this movie. The simple, brief one under the mistletoe and the more passionate one at the end of the movie (when he proposed and they got married). So, a feel-good, family-friendly movie. 

g) And that Bill Pullman and Sandra Bullock started falling in love with each other after talking all night, realizing they had something in common, that they are strangely attracted to each other. No matter how cliche this idea is, I am a hopeless romantic and I totally support this idea. 

h) The background music. Oh, I would smile dreamily whenever the 'Love Theme' came out during the appropriately meaningful scenes. This music is one of the best, ever! 

i) The movie was made and released in 1995. I have a penchant for good old movies. And since I was born in 1990, I did not have much time to appreciate and enjoy the 90s'. I was just a kid! And so, looking at this movie, I experienced this nostalgic feeling or yearning for the past years and memories. 

Overall, a really feel-good movie. I had watched 'Sleepless in Seattle' and trust me, While You Were Sleeping is 100 times better than the former whereby the main characters only met in the last 5 minutes of the movie pfftt.. 

2. Sunny (2011) starring Shim Eun Kyung, Kang Sora and many others. 

Okay, I had heard of this movie before, I read a bit of the synopsis years ago, and I knew back then that one of the characters are going to die. So, nope. I don't want to watch any tear-jerking melodrama, even if the trailer seemed contrary to what I had in mind. 

Anyway, I first watched this movie with my family during the Raya Haji holiday last month. I liked it. Very much. I ended up downloading the movie, watched it for another two times. I discovered the existence of the 'Director's Cut' version on youtube, downloaded it and watched it until tears streamed down my eyes (this Director's Cut is no joke). So, that makes it, 4 times already? And oh, I watched it again with Fatin, who had not watched it before. So, 5 times? Wow. 

Now, the reasons of why I like this movie. 

1. The music. I am so addicted to Richard Sanderson's 'Reality'. In fact, I keep on replaying that particular scene where this song was played. I also love 'Time after Time' by Tuck and Patti. The musics are all from the 80s era, my cup of tea, exactly. 

2. Kang Sora and the character she played, Ha Chun-Hwa. She is the best out of those seven girls in the group. I like the scene where she kicked and fought those who got on her and her friends' ways  during that demonstration on the street. Being the group leader, she is fiercely protective and loyal towards her friends. She even takes care of them until after she died (spoilers!).

And she's so pretty!!! 

3. The 1980s'. I wished someone would invent a time-travel machine so that I could go visit the years of the past. 

4. The hilarious and heartwarming scenes. Of them fighting on the street, of Im Na Mi watching the CD of the video they recorded when they were teenagers, of Na Mi finally forgetting and leaving the memories of her first love, and also the ending credits. You must watch the ending credits! 

Watching this movie, and other watch-worthy dramas such as Misaeng and Signal, I really envy those who had managed to create these movies and scripts that touched the viewers' hearts. It makes me lament for the substance-lacking Malaysian dramas and movies (except for a selected few) that are so...cringe-worthy and full of fluffs. 

I really hope that I could write something that touches my readers' hearts. In that case, I know that I must try my best to write from my heart, so that it could touch other people's hearts, insya Allah.

With that, thank you for reading! 

Disclaimer: Images are googled. 

Achieving Ikigai

I recently came across this book on instagram, instantly captivated by its title and cover (so pretty!), immediately logged on to mphonline, ordered the book and it arrived on my doorstep 3 days later, and of course, I took my own sweet time to read this book.

Now, what is ikigai? Before I bought this book, I had already known a bit about what it means. Ikigai is the 'Reason for Being'. Ikigai is the reason of you waking up in the morning. Of course, we all had to (be forced) to wake up in the morning at certain times of our lives, but the unbearable thoughts of having to go to work or to class, is that considered an 'ikigai'? Of course not.

Ikigai is a combination of your passion, mission, profession and vocation, as beautifully depicted in this Venn Diagram. When you are sleeping at night, you just couldn't wait to wake up in the morning to do your ikigai. Is ikigai a verb? or a noun? haha. I'm hopeless in this. 

Anyway, this book focuses more on the healthy lifestyle of the Japanese centenarians living in the Island of Okinawa, Japan. It delves into multiple topics dedicated on discovering the secrets of aging well and living beyond your 80s.

Perhaps it's my own fault for expecting more than what had been written in this book. After all, doesn't the topic states 'The Japanese Secrets to a Long and Happy Lifestyle'? I was kind of hoping that this book would say more about 'How to achieve your ikigai'. I had already known what is my ikigai but I have a hard time to employ the concept of ikigai into my daily lives.

What's my ikigai? It's writing, of course! It's something I'm not sure I am that good at, but that I can do it, LOL. I love writing, I have this delusional idea that the world needs to read something from me (again, LOL) and I hope I can be paid for it. Even if I don't get paid, I would continue writing. Even if no one reads it. Now that's ikigai rightt..

Thus, if I managed to become a full-time paid writer and that the world loves my writings, then I am looking forward to wake up every morning just to write or do research about my books/articles. Hence for now, my ikigai is merely a dream. I love my current job but writing is my ikigai. Like, you know, being a pharmacist is my profession while being a writer is my passion/dream/ikigai. For now, I could try to incorporate some ikigai into my life, if not whole.

Again, about the secrets to a long and healthy life, to be truthful, I am not really keen on living that long. But I intend to be healthy and free from diseases though. I met many patients who could only drink 500 ml of water in a day and had to restrict their diets and calorie intakes. Not fun, right? So I must get healthy from now on so that I could enjoy eating more foods, LOL.  So, this book talks about the healthy diets of the Japanese, also the physical activities that they do.

My favourite chapter from this book is chapter IV: Find Flow in Everything You Do. Bruce Lee said, 'Be Like Water'. Be in constant flow in whatever you do, meaning, be in immense concentration and at the same time, find enjoyment in it up to the point where you won't realize that the time flies when you are doing things that you love.

This includes doing mundane tasks such as washing the dishes, laundry and many others. What I can derive from this topic is, in every task that must be done, there must be an element of fun. You do the job and snap! The job's a game. And every task you undertake, becomes a piece of cake! A lark, a spree, it's very clear to see! For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Are you singing this with me? Hahaha. So it's the same like what Mary Poppins said.

You have to find that purpose, that enjoyment when doing something. It might be hard, but it's there, somewhere. And oh, the author also said that we should not stick to the same routine when carrying out those dull daily tasks, or else the job's going to be more boring. We could try to insert more varieties or rhythms into those monotonous activities. Perhaps we could, dance when washing the dishes? Hahaha you can figure it out by yourself.

So, yes. This book isn't exactly life-changing to me, but it does offer some interesting facts about ikigai on the whole and also its socio-cultural impact of onto the Japanese people.

I hope I could read more books on Ikigai in the future. So, to you who's reading this, what is your ikigai? Have you achieved it, and if you haven't, how are you going to achieve it?

3 days 'weekend' at home

I've just had a 5 days holiday for the Hari Merdeka, Hari Raya Haji and also the extra one day holiday to commemorate Malaysia becoming champion for the 29th Sea Games, so, 6 days in total! But of course, 6 days are not considered 6 full days of holiday when you had to travel for almost 5 hours from GM to SP and another 5 hours from SP to GM. So, 4 full days la, okayla tu bersyukur. 

For the Hari Raya Haji holiday, I decided that I had had enough of driving by myself to SP. It was so tiring. I usually ended up collapsing on my bed once I reached my destination. And so, I hitched a ride with my colleague at the hospital. It was rather relaxing because I could take a short nap along the journey and that I had someone to talk to. Driving alone could be so boring and well, lonely. And on my last day of holiday (the Sea Games cuti one), I actually did not feel sad that I had to go back to GM. Because I won't be alone! I have someone to go back with! This made me realized that all those times I spent feeling sad and sometimes crying in my car when I had to go back to GM is not because I'd miss my family and home, but rather, it's because I couldn't bear the thought of having to drive alone all the way to GM. (But of course la, I also miss my family).

One of the perks of working rather than being a student is that you could plan your holidays and you could go home anytime you want, as you have your own car and that you could afford to pay for the tolls and petrol, LOL. Whereas when you're a student, you'd have to wait for 7 weeks until the one week mid-sem break, and another 7 weeks for the end of sem break. Plus you had to study for exams that even when you're at home, your mom would ask 'Did you study? Did you complete your assignments?' Seriously I felt like it was SPM again.

Nevertheless, I greatly enjoyed my holidays. My family and I watched A LOT of movies at home. Tae Guk Gi, Sunny, While You Were Sleeping (I watched this for the 3rd time that week!), Sleepless in Seattle, Home Alone 2, Dangal (this movie is SUPERB!), PK (Also Aamir Khan), 3 Idiots (for the umpteenth time, also Aamir Khan) and Mermaid (Stephen Chow's one, very entertaining). 

Okay, Monday, which was on the 4th of September, was the day I went back to GM. As I had to work during Hari Malaysia (consequently missing my bestie Malizah's wedding *sobs*), the next time I'd be able to go home is in October, as I had already applied for a one week holiday in that month. This means that it would be about 1 plus month till I return home again. 

10th of September (Sunday) is the Cuti Keputeraan YDP Agong, which also indicates another 3 days weekend for me. I was not planning on going back to SP because like I said, I had only returned to GM from there just a week ago. Plus, I was not keen on driving. I was planning to stay at home, doing laundry, probably cooking and entertaining myself by eating, sleeping, reading and watching whatever there is on my hard disk. I was also not keen on traveling to KB to just have a weekend getaway there, I hate driving on the single lane roads. I also did not feel like going to Cameron Highlands because I had been there just a few weeks before (plus I hate the swirly spirally nausea-induced roads). GM is so secluded, and so far away from other districts. 

So yes, I was planning to just stay at home during the 3 days weekend. 

Until...

It was Thursday, the last working day of the week for the state of Kelantan. As I was doing my ward round with the doctor and nurses in the morning, I suddenly felt this sudden yearning to go back home. I don't know. I just miss my family! Plus, my housemate's heading the same way. I could just drop her off at Simpang Pulai and continue my journey to the North. I don't care whether I'd get tired or not. The most important thing is, I want to meet my parents and siblings back home! I smiled in excitement as I thought of this plan. I called my mom and she too, encouraged me to go back home, LOL.

And yaay, right after work, I packed my stuff and to SP we shall go! I actually enjoyed the usually mundane journey, as I was feeling happy of the thought of going home and that I have Fatin sitting beside me in the car. We talked about many stuff throughout the journey and we reached Simpang Pulai already! I exited Simpang Pulai and drove all the way to SP, reaching there at about 9.30 pm. I felt so delighted to be at home, I was overcome with emotion that I felt like crying once I stepped into my house, dramatic much? But oh, I felt sad knowing that my dad is away for the weekend as he had an important matter to attend to.

I'm going back to GM today. It was a short 3 days weekend, but I cherished every moment I spent at home. My mom, Haziq and I watched Yong Pal (Mom had been a fan of Joo Won after watching him in Bridal Mask, Good Doctor and Cantabile Tomorrow), we had my favourite Tosai Ghee for breakfast and Mom brought me to Gurun to have laksa for lunch. Only Malaysians would care to drive all the way to another district or state just to have foods, don't you agree? Haha. I went to the bookstore to buy Margaret Atwood's 'The Handmaid's Tale'. I finally have that book in my hands! And oh, high speed WIFI connection at home! (as compared to the Celcom Gold Plan I have to prudently use when I'm away from home- no youtube except on weekends).

And last night I finally managed to satisfy my craving for SUBWAY SANDWICH! HAHAHA. I had been craving for the 'Seafood and Crab' for months! And mom bought pizza for dinner. I slept early last night as I need to have enough rest for me to drive for 5 hours to GM. *sobs*

And now, mom kept on nagging me to start my journey early as she is worried that I'd arrive there late. Of course, mothers. They'd be worried of everything.

So there it is. I can't wait to transfer back to Kedah next year! Insya Allah!

Oh, did I tell you I had been working in GM for almost 1 and a half year already? (1 year and 4 months to be precise, haha). How time flies!

Okay, adieu! 

January 2017 Book Haul!

I'm home for CNY! Happy Chinese New Year! Xin Nian Kuai Le! Gong Xi Gong Xi! :)

Okay, let's look at the books I bought on my second day in my hometown.

TADA!!!

Most of them are non-fictions, except for one. 

Most of them are from Silverfish Books, except for one. 

Let's take a closer look at the books. 

Finished reading this in less than an hour, LOL. The story reminds me of Studio Ghibli's 'Spirited Away'. 

Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa in English Translation. 

I couldn't find the Malay version. 

As you can see, I am a fan of Farish Noor's works. 

I totally despise the cover of this 'Sejarah Melayu'! 

And on the next day, which is today, I went to Popular and bought another two books

I am interested in the history of China. Next on my list, to read books about  Mao Zedong and the Cultural Revolution

I'm not much of a 'poetry person'. Lang Leav's 'Lullabies' still lies on my bookshelf, unfinished and untouched for several years. But I'm going to give this a try, as this book was self-published by a Malaysian author, and we must support Malaysian authors right? :D

That's all for now, auf wiedersehen! 

setahun jagung no more

Yesterday, the 19th of January 2017 marks the second year of me working as a pharmacist, weehoo! *throws confetti*.

Coincidentally on the same day, this article had been released. You can read this here (click)

To quote a passage from the article

"A provisionally registered pharmacist who wanted to be known only as Wong, 24, said there were a number of drop-outs during internship as some could not cope with the stress."

I totally could relate with this. Been there, done that. 

That one year of PRP was the most horrifying phase of my life. I do not want to experience it ever again, never! I hate my PRP life. But as abhorrent as it was, I did find and encounter good friends and people who treated me with kindness and respect. They are like precious gems among those black ugly coals. Polished and refined, as evident by the way they treat others. 

I do admit that PRP life is hard, especially when you had to undergo your PRP in a hospital that is notorious for its.....never mind. 

As depressing and stressful as it was, never once did I ever think of quitting or giving up. Instead, I couldn't wait for it to be over, I couldn't wait to finish my PRP and now before you knew it, it had already been 2 years! 

TWO YEARS AGO, 

I remember the day I found out I got my posting in this particular state, and the day the postman sent me a letter requiring me to report for duty at JKN 

I remember the day before whereby my mom drove me to show me how to get to H**, in case I get that hospital. 

I remember driving very early in the morning to H**, parked my car there, hopped into my friend's car and off we went to JKN located in the **** building. 

I remember feeling extremely nervous, waiting for them to give us the letters which stated which hospitals shall we be doing our PRP-ship at. 

I remember feeling joyful that I got what I wanted, H**, which means I can just drive there everyday from home, even if it means I have to leave home at 7 in the morning. 

I remember feeling very lonely with no other friend, except for B, who is a guy classmate from uni, whom I wasn't really close with. 

I remember crying in the car after my first day because I was feeling rather overwhelmed with everything that is very new, very strange, hit by the realisation that once I started working, my whole life would change forever. 

Anyway, PRP-ship is a very difficult period for a pharmacist. The trial period that you have to overcome in order for you to become a full-fledged pharmacist. 

Before I started my PRP, no one had warned me that it's going to be really hard, until someone scolded and shouted at me that I was smacked into reality. It was very different from my sheltered university life. Working life is a battle for survival. 

To my juniors who are now working as PRPs in the government hospitals, I wish you all the best. I know that life is harder now, as you guys are working under contract, and that most of you are uncertain with what the future holds. 

But, my advice is, take your own sweet time to learn things. Learn at your own pace. All pharmacists started as stupid PRPs who don't know many things too. It's okay not to know many things.That's why we started off as a PROVISIONALLY Registered Pharmacist, not a FULLY Registered Pharmacist.You will learn many things and gain more experiences as you start working. 

Remember to treat others with kindness and respect, whether they are your superiors, your equals or someone working below you. Never give up. Never lose faith. Never stop praying to God for Him to ease your way. 

Don't ever think of pleasing those people who seemed to always find faults in you. No matter what you did, whether you think you had improved from the first time you started working, most of them won't notice, and some may continue to find reasons to scold you. Some scolded you (some scolded you in front of others for them to see and hear) just for the sake of scolding, (PMS, maybe) while some genuinely want you to improve and would be delighted when you did. You can tell the differences by yourself when you're working with them. 

Take care of your health as you need to be in the best condition to work, what's with those night shifts, weekend shifts, extended hours, on-calls. And oh, you need energy to deal with those patients with erratic behaviours and personalities, also with those FRPs of which some of them might be having undiagnosed multiple personality disorders of their own too. 

(not just saying this happened only in my old workplace, for the same people do exist in all other hospitals in Malaysia). 

Wishing you all the best! Bertahanlah! Be strong!!!! You can do it!!! Only one year as a PRP!!! 

2016 Final Book Haul ( and Reviews!)

 This is a post long overdue. I'm supposed to post this on the 28th of December, originally typing this post using the Blogger app on my phone.Halfway through, I realized that the app didn't save the bottom half of my post. I got lazy already and here I am, completing this blog entry more than 10 days later. And oh, Happy 2017 everyone! And this is the first post for the year 2017! I'll try to update my blog as frequently as I could to keep up with one of my New Year's Resolutions which is to blog more. Haha. 

                                                               *                 *                  *

We had just returned home in the afternoon and I was yearning to get a quick nap, having suffered from a bad sinus headache. 

As I lied on my bed, I heard my mom calling my name from downstairs, and as I descended, I saw her bringing in two huge parcels with her, to which I exclaimed 'Wow, that's a lot!'.

She narrowed her eyes and said 'You ordered all of these, right?'

I smiled sheepishly and said 'Yes..'

'How much(did you spend)?'

'Err... about RM200?'

(Don't tell her it's more like almost 'RM300' instead).

She just shook her head in disbelief.

It doesn't take a genius to find out that those heavy, solid parcels contain books!

I was anticipating a smaller parcel from 'Terfaktab', of which I had relentlessly tracked the parcel from the PosLaju track and trace website since arriving home yesterday.

But oh, two big parcels arrived from MPH instead! And much earlier than I had expected!

Let's look at the books I bought from MPH Online.

 Penang: 500 Early Postcards and Johor: 300 Early Postcards.

 The author, an Endocrinologist who loves history and is also a collector of rare postcards had compiled and selected 500 and 300 early postcards,most of them printed in the early 19th century from the 2 states of Malaysia; Penang and Johor. He had also published books that featured the early postcards of Malaya, Singapore, Selangor and Perak. 

 Some of you must have known that I am a History Buff. I love visiting museums and other historical places, History is one of  my favourite subjects at school, along with Geography and Chemistry, although later on, I learned that our country's history is actually not what it really appeared on our textbooks. History is written by the winners, you see. I shall explain more on this later. 

 However, after flipping through my youngest brother's Form 1 Buku Teks Sejarah, I must say that the History Textbook we had during our times (2003 version) was much better than the Form 1 History Textbook published in 2016. I am disappointed with the contents of the current History Textbook. No chapters talking about  'Kerajaan Awal Asia Tenggara', no chapters dedicating itself towards explaining about the histories of the states in Malaysia, like how Perak got its name, the famous traditional dances of Kelantan and so on. Perhaps they had reshuffled the whole syllabus and had chosen to include all those chapters mentioned above in Buku Teks Sejarah Tingkatan 2 or 3. 

 I have to say that the Buku Teks Sejarah Tingkatan 1 2016 edition is a strong reminiscent of the Buku Teks Kajian Tempatan Darjah 5 of which I must emphasize, is much better than the former. This Sejarah textbook has too much illustrations, it's almost like a comic book! I guess this is one of the strategies employed by the textbook writers to make Sejarah more interesting. But somehow, this type of strategy does not resonate well with my 'Sejarah' heart. In studying Sejarah, you're supposed to read a lot and visualising the things that happened  in your mind instead of relying on visual aids or cartoon characters. In other words, you need to use your mind to imagine and think. Moreover, the current textbook is quite thin, meaning that they had cut quite a large portion of facts to make way for colourful cartoons spewing out Sejarah facts in their dialogue boxes. 

Or maybe, people might argue that not all of us (including them 13 years olds) are readers like I am. And that's the problem. The kids nowadays are exposed to a variety of medias. Televisions, youtube, instagram, with phones and tabs used to keep them occupied and distracted whenever their parents are away or carrying out tasks. It saddens me to see the Sejarah textbook to be reduced to this state to capture the kids' interests and to cater to their presumably limited ability to read long paragraphs and staying focused while doing so. I mean, come on, they are already Form 1 students. Thirteen years old! For how long do you intend to use illustrations to grab their attentions into focusing on what you want them to know? 

Anyway, just a bit of ranting there.

Eh wait, I'm supposed to talk about the books I had bought right? HAHA. 

Okay, when I was a UIA student, I always spent my free time or in-between classes periods at the library, at the Leisure Section, to be precise. I found 'Malaya: 500 Early Postcards', published by the same author as the books above and I was consumed with awe as I scrutinise each postcards, reading the descriptions and the year the postcards were sent and received. I tried to visualise what really happened behind the scenes of these picture postcards and it feels like you are dwelling upon these places and living in that particular era. 

I am saddened to see beautiful picture postcards featuring picturesque views of the beautiful old buildings and scenery that were dated before the year 1942 because in December 1942, the Japanese invaded Malaya and since then everything had changed for the worse. I feel sad looking at that picture of the man rowing his sampan in the postcard dated 1941 knowing that a year later, his whole life would change, and the country would fall under the hands of those people who claimed 'Asia untuk Orang Asia'. 

I also feel a sense of melancholy, looking at the postcard featuring a young man, or a young boy in the 1940s', knowing that if he were to live now, he would have become a really old man. That's the same case with us now. We were once children, growing into teenagers and now, adults with responsibilities. Our parents were once kids too, and now they are getting older as days gone by. This teaches us to appreciate them and our lives better. And that the old memories, of what we had achieved, who we had once been, can be kept in the pictures, serving as the reminiscences of the past. 

I had borrowed and renewed the book for several times. I know I must get my own copy of the book (of which I still haven't) and the other books in the series. 

And so, I had managed to buy those two books above! Malaya: 500 early postcards are no longer available on MPH Online. 

So, the third book bought is: 

I finally got my own copy of 'Memoirs of a Geisha'!!! 

Left: The Original First Edition by Knopf (belonging to my uncle)

Right: Vintage Past by Penguin Books- latest edition (MINE!) 

No matter how controversial this book is, in terms of its accuracy and the 'breach of agreement' between the author and Mineko Iwasaki; the retired Geisha who provides him all those information about the Geisha world for this book, I couldn't help but to love this book! 

Not that  I agree with the author in this matter. I think he is being disrespectful by mentioning the name of Miss Iwasaki his his acknowledgment and that he had distorted the facts given, shaping and twisting them to his own whims and fancy. 

The truth about Geishas aside, I am very much is love with his prose, his narrative descriptions that threaded seamlessly along the passages, and the dialogues, characters, almost everything depicted in this novel is so beautifully written. 

Those make up the reasons why I managed to read this book not only twice, but thrice! (also the reason why I borrowed' this book from my uncle and only telling him after I had returned home, LOL). 

Moving on to the fourth book. 

The fourth book is somewhat darker and unpleasant. If in 'Memoirs of a Geisha', I was left enthralled by the unique cultures and traditions of the Japanese, while  in this book, I am appalled by the violent crimes and bestiality shown by the Other Japanese; the Japanese Imperial Army. Again, the genre is  History. I think I had gotten matured with time as my choice of books nowadays include non-fictions rather than fictions *cough*. 

Oh, it took me almost a week to finish reading this book. 

I was fourteen when I first read about the death of Iris Chang on the newspaper. It was alleged that 'The Rape of Nanking', the book she had written 7 years prior to her death had made her depressed, driving her to commit suicide at the age of 36. Knowing this made me curious and I had wanted to read this book since then. I was curious to know what she had written. Is it too gruesome? Too overwhelming? Too much to brain and stomach? 

I had first came across this book in a bookstore in Singapore. I was 20 then. I contemplated whether I should buy it. I flipped through the books and was shocked to see a black and white photo of a woman whose body was mutilated (too much graphic, too gory ). It was horrifying. I guess that I was not yet ready to read the book. 

And now, almost 13 years later from the time I heard about this book, it is now in the possession of my hands. I was happy, excited and nervous at the same time. I was in the middle of reading another book about the History of Malaysia (bought from Terfaktab) and I couldn't wait to finish reading that book and get started on this. 

I read through the prologue and I now know several facts of why the Japanese behaved with such bestiality during World War II. I shall not explain more about that but one thing I could say is that  they had been trained to value the life of the Emperor the most and that any lives below it (including the Chinese in this case) were considered worthless. 

I  kept on reading, and had moments of pauses as I tried to suppress my anger and sadness. My head literally hurts (or maybe it's just migraine, LOL) as I read through the chapters 'Six Weeks of Terror' and 'Six Weeks of Horror' as I couldn't comprehend what I had just been reading. It was too devastating. 

I learned that several historians had disputed several facts from her book. But there is one thing that I know for sure, that the Japanese Imperial Army did kill people (including civilians) during their occupations of the Asian countries. How many? Is it 1000? 10,000? 100,000? Amount doesn't matter. whether it's just 1 or 10. Someone's life matters. Innocent lives matter. And that the pictures taken during the atrocities stood as witnesses and evidences. Pictures don't lie. They don't have Photoshop back then, LOL. Right? I'm not kidding. 

That's the sad thing about wars. The world knew what was happening in China back then and yet no one really took actions. The same goes with the current situations in Syria and Rohingya. The world knows. Most had chosen to ignore. No adequate actions had been taken yet. 

So, done with the four books bought from MPH. 

About 10 minutes after I had gleefully unwrapped the packages from MPH, I heard someone honking in front of my gate. AGAIN. 

I went down and this time, it was my brother who received the parcel on my behalf. Well, well. TWO parcels of books in one day? This is too good to be true! It must be the books I ordered from Terfaktab. 

I forgot to mention that I had been completely cured of the headache I experienced earlier. Therefore, I would like to suggest that in cases of headaches; either it is migraine, cluster headache, sinus headache, the best and effective, fast-onset cure is for you to buy books. No need to take Naproxen or Mefenamic Acid, Aspirin, Ibuprofen or any painkillers/NSAIDs . Trust me, I'm a Pharmacist. HAHA.

And as I went into my room, bringing my books together, I came across my mother who just went out of her room. She asked me 

'Did you buy books again?' uh-oh. She must have probably heard the postman honking just now. 

'Yes, but those are all history books!" I said proudly and rather defensively. 

She shook her head and said "Now where are you going to put all those books?" 

Clearly, she's referring to my overloaded bookshelf. I no longer have space to put books and I just stacked them up on the table and on every surface available. I even slept with my books at night. :P

I told her "Well, I can claim my income tax,". Hey, it's true what. You couldn't claim income tax when you bought clothes or make ups. Wait, 'claim income tax'. Is that even a correct term? *shrugs* 

That reminds me, I had been constantly buying books. My wardrobe on the other hand, dates from about a year ago. Hmmm....

The books from Terfaktab:

I was actually triggered to read these books after I had read this recently nation-famous confessions by Mus, who wrote 4 parts of 'Peninggalan Arwah'. His story made everyone marvelled at the ingenuity demonstrated by our forefathers; in his case, in the production of weapons and other defence machinery.  

I had followed several pages that talk and promote the history of our country and the ancient history of the Malay kingdom. Those pages are: 'The Patriots' and 'Srikandi'. The books above were written by Cik Srikandi, whom someone had compared her to 'Lara Croft'. She's the Malay version of Lara Croft it seems, haha. 

Anyway, I learned a lot about the forgotten history of the Malay kingdom. The establishment of the Malay kingdom does not start from the famous, glorious era of the Malaccan Sultanate. It had started way earlier than that, dating to several hundred years BC, from the Kingdom of Srivijaya whose governance encompasses most of the countries in the Malay archipelago. Reading her books had made me recalled my rusty knowledge of the Malay history, and of the chapters from Buku Teks Sejarah Tingkatan 1. 

I love 'Baiduri Segala Permaisuri' better than her first book 'Emas Para Dapunta dan Maharaja'. I had learned new things about how the Malaccan empire fell to the hands of the Portuguese and once I had finished reading the last chapter, I was overcame with emotion. If only the Portuguese didn't invade Melaka. If only this, and that. But everything happened for a reason. And history serves as life's lessons to us the new generations. We shall not commit the same mistakes like what the people who lived before us did. But looking at the current state of our country and our people now, it feels like history is deemed to be repeating itself, slowly and painfully. I had written a lengthy review about this book in my reading journal which includes my personal thoughts that some people might question or do not like. I don't think I should post my thoughts here as they are quite controversial. 

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,' George Santayana. 

In conclusion, here are the books that arrived on the same day!

I hope to buy and read more good books in 2017!!!

Next on my list: 'The Malay Annals' by Dr John Leyden and 'The Kedah Annals- Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa' by James Low. Of course, those are the English translations. I couldn't seem to find the Malay translations. :((

That's all for now. I'll try my best to force myself to turn on the laptop, to log in to blogger and to write more posts. I actually had a lot to write but of course, laziness kills all ideas. LOL. 

Kudos to you if you are still reading up till here. :)