It's 4.25 pm

Assalamualaikum and hello all.

First of all, I'd like to say, ALHAMDULILLAH, praise be to Allah for giving me the determination and willpower to STUDY STUDY STUDY until my brain becomes saturated (which I highly doubt it, LOL). Yes, it's all because of Him, I was at the midst of giving up reading because I was feeling upset for no reason (hormonal fluctuation ZzzzZZZ) and instead of studying, I really wanted to finish reading a very 'emo' book, 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower. ZzzzZZZzz again. But I didn't relent to what my heart wanted and I forced myself to study study study all the ELEVEN notes (which consists of hundreds of slides). 

So, Alhamdulillah, I could answer the Endocrine Quiz smoothly. :) It's not that freaking easy, but I feel relieved and relaxed after answering them. 

Let's pray that the marks will be awesome as well! Ameen.

Surah al-Insyirah Verses 7-8

So when you have finished (from your occupation), then stand up for Allah's worship, 

And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your intentions and hopes and) your invocations. 

The very lesson that we could learn from this is:

"Jangan layankan perasaan emo tu sangat" (translate sendiri, wuhuuu)

Ok, now I would want to continue with 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'. ZzzZZzzz..

Hello, it's almost 4 in the morning.

And I'm up, supposedly studying for the endocrine quiz. -___-

I really enjoyed my one-week holiday staying at home, mostly. Adventurous as I claim I am (LOL), I'm more towards a homely kind of person, a Bilbo Baggins who was very comfortable living in his hobbit hole, not interested to meddle in anything out of the ordinary (until Gandalf set him up on an adventure!)

What I really wanted to say: I MISS HOME!!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!! I HAVE TO SPEND ANOTHER EIGHT FREAKING LECTURE WEEKS AND THREE FREAKING REVISION+EXAM PERIOD!!!

I don't know why, I just enjoyed staying at home. In other words: I'm feeling homesick-ish, Allah please help me.

On the other hand, things/events I'm looking forward to in these horrific 11 weeks -____- : 

The beginning of NAUSEATING AWESOME NOVEMBER (what I called November) and,

The end of AWESOME NAUSEATING NOVEMBER (notice the reversal, because I expect November to end spectacularly, with my goals achieved and fulfilled).

Why do I call it nauseating? Because it's gonna be a month full of trials (of deadlines and brain storming, nerve-wrecking) and dreams (thus the reason why it's called awesome) LOL. I'll tell more about this next time.

And yes, right after the NAUSEATING AWESOME NOVEMBER's OVER, I'm looking forward to the BIG BAD WOLF SALE IN DECEMBER!!! :D 

I just feel the immense desire to spend at least an hour in the leisure section of the library. *sob*

EVIL DEVILS

Salam'alaik.

There's just too much (yes, uncountable) evils in this world, those things that opened up both my mind and eyes wide, things that make me forever eternally grateful with the blessings and bounties bestowed upon me and my family, things that have succeeded in making me looking at the so-called problems that I have as so thoroughly insignificant. 

And things that make me asked myself 'Why there's so many evil doings on this Earth?' What prompted the evil people to commit these evil things? Is it because of the influence of their family members? Even so, does that JUSTIFY their reason to commit these actions? Actions like this: 

A picture of oh-so-cute-I-bet-when-he-grows-up-he's-gonna-be-handsome-and-deelish Robert Middleton in the 1998, when he was 8. I was 8 in 1998, and my youngest brother Haziq is also eight this year.

Nope, no longer handsome physically. On his 8th birthday, he was raped (more like, sodomized) by a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD BOY. The boy then tied him to a tree and threw gasoline (?) towards Robert and lit him on fire.

He suffered more than 90 degrees burn and miraculously survived.

AN EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY, GET IT? EIGHT!!

I could only imagine him (the same age as my brother, naudzubillahiminzalik) crying when he was sodomized ( I SOO HATE THIS WORD), crying in unimaginable excruciating pain as he was burned alive.

Imagine what his mother had to endure?

To think that the little boy that she had taken great care of from the moment he was conceived to when she gave birth to him,the one whom she raised with love and affection throughout the 8 years had turned out to be like this! 

(I AM SO OUTRAGED BY THE FACT THAT THE MANIAC KID WAS JUST THIRTEEN!) 

The cute boy had transformed into the person in the second picture!

He endured countless numbers of skin transplants and surgeries and died 13 years later, in 2011, at the age of 21 years old. 

I feel very sad. 

This is sad.

Sedih.

Sad.

You can google to know more about him. :(

This is one of the real-life cases in this world. This is the one that I've just read about just recently. 

I feel sad. 

I don't know what to do.

It is impossible to totally eradicate evils on this earth, as long as the devils are still here.

This case reminds me of Junko Furuta's case of which I am STILL ANGRY AND UPSET. 

So, let's recite in Arabic 'I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan'. And also, I seek refuge with Allah from those who have been 'influenced' by Satan'. 

DOUBLE TWO

I woke up in the morning and saw a new Google Doodle. Surprised to see that it was for me (perasan gila+ noob).

So, Alhamdulillah. I am now 22. Double Two. A woman physically, always a child inside. HAHA.

Infinite thanks to Allah the Almighty for creating me. 

Thank you for my mother who gave birth to me on this particular day. Millions of thanks to my parents who brought me up to the way I am now. 

I kind of questioned myself lately 'Why am I being born a woman?' and I know that there's a reason for everything that happened. 

Being born a woman is quite restrictive. My parents are so overprotective of me as compared to my younger brother. It is for my own benefits, I know.

Yes, I know there's a reason on why I was born a female, a Muslim, a Malay, a Malaysian. I just have to find out that reason. I have to start looking for it. Please pray that I'll finally find it! 

I love being a woman, yes. And I'm so grateful to be born a Muslim woman in MALAYSIA. 

I turned off the Facebook notification for my birthday, so no one on my friends' list know that TODAY is my birthday and it feels awesome actually, it's like you have a secret. (oh, pleaseee)

I have friends, family members, my roommate who do not need the facebook notification that today is my birthday and they wished me privately through the phone.

Also thanks to those who wished me on other social networks! :D 

My uncle gave me the BEST ORIGINAL birthday message:

"Happy birthday my dearest Sarah. You deserve a ride on a magical cobalt dragon through a golden sky filled with raspberry star dust that will make you happy for a thousand years. Soak it in all up! Stay fearless. Love,"

Always so poetic and descriptive, he is. Remember him, the architect aka my younger brother's mentor?

Also, the youngest son of my arwah Nekwan and Tokwan, my mom's youngest brother.

Remember the email that he gave to me two months after my grandma had left us all? 

My Dearest Sarah,

thanks for your email, it did cheer me up. :)

You know, i have always told my friends that my mother is so special because she may not understand anything but she understands everything.

They find this amusing..

See, Nek Wan might not be well-educated and she didn't understand a lot of things around her- how to operate the cable, how to use the mobile, even how to tune the radio.

She came to Singapore with Tok Wan only with her courage and determination. But miraculously with Allah's guidance, she was able to raise 6 children in the most unfamiliar environment, and by God, she raised each and everyone of her children well, with good education - duniawi and ukhrawi. This, despite all the odds- a feat not many women can take on these days.

I thought about it and i concluded that your arwah Nek Wan was so special. She had the gift of understanding her children and giving them the tools they need most for the soul. She might not be able to help us with our algebra homework or English assignment, but she was able to give us the determination, persistence and courage to live life to the fullest. She equipped us with lessons you will never be able to find in the classroom. She had the incomparable ability to adept to circumstances and make the best out of the situation. She didn't let anything or anyone bring her or her family down with her weaknesses, rather she mustered every strand of strength she had in her to trudge on. Until today, when i feel weak and troubled, i think of what Nek Wan would do if she is caught in the same situation and from there, i always find strength.

When I was down and felt that the whole world was against me, I just needed to go back home to her. She was able to discern every sorrow in me, even without me telling her, and she never failed to heal every single one of my wounds.

At night, she would sit and watch all the English programmes on TV with me even though she couldn't understand a word! But at the corner of my eye, I always caught her not watching the TV but rather looking at me, and i could feel the warmth of her smile and every word of the doa she sent to Allah for me.

Every day when i went to work, she would sit at the sofa and bid me farewell, and her sight never left me until i turn the corner at the staircase. I knew she was praying for me and my safety. I knew she was aware, the day will come she will not be able to see me off work anymore and prayed Allah will still be with me for always...

I miss Nek Wan so so much, and i pray i will be able to see her again soon. You are right, she would most likely want me to keep praying for her, and stop mourning, and one day InsyaAllah, we will see Nek Wan and Tok Wan again. Till then i just wish i have half her strength to go through the rest of my life without her. Even to the day she passed on, your Nek Wan was one strong lady. 

I've never felt so loved and cared for, and i guess that's the magic that mothers have. You still have yours. Cherish every single moment you have with your parents ok, and make every moment matter. Always remind Mak and Abah how much you love and appreciate them.

Keep in touch, all the best for your results and may Allah be with you always.

Whenever you remember Nek Wan, sedekah Fatehah ok?

Lots of Love,

Busu

Eh, why does this post turned out to be about HIM, my uncle instead of my so-called awesome day of birthday? I don't have any awesome day. I have to study for THREE quizzes tomorrow.

His birthday is on the 12th of October, which is 2 days ago. I forgot to wish him for his birthday. I'm sorry, Busu Din! Here is a birthday wish for you! ( I don't know whether you still read my blog or not. I hope not!).

Happy 37th Birthday Busu Din!

Stay handsome and stay awesome!

Get married quickly, will you!

And don't ask me to get married first whenever I voiced that out -___-

With love, your niece, Sarah Syahirah/Sarah E.Beth Darcy/Syaheira Skywalker/WizardNox159.

He is my biggest critic so far. >_< I'll improve my English, yes! *saying this meekly*

Wassalam. 

Arashi: A short-lived fandom

Salam'alaik and a very good evening.

Browsed through the list of songs on my phone. Instinctively played 'Love So Sweet' by Arashi. 

Smiled as I sang along, uttering each Japanese word with clarity (mind you, I pronounced each word correctly, not just mumbling any Japanese-like non-existent words)The only Arashi song that I could memorize the lyrics from the beginning till the end. 

I smiled as I reminisced the old days, those days when I was an immature, pompous teenage girl who lamented over the fact that 'Matsumoto Jun got married' when in fact, it was that 'Nanba-senpai guy who got married'. HAHA.

I smiled as I remember those days when I would spend sleepless nights watching downloaded Japanese Dramas and getting high doses of 'Arashi variety shows' like 'Himitsu-no Arashi chan' and 'Arashi no Shukudaikun'. The latter had ended for good and I didn't watch the final episode. 

I am still smiling when I reflected on how reckless was I for skipping extra 'Biology Lab' class on Saturday (or was it Friday?) just for the purpose of going to 'My Star Shop' at Berjaya Times Square with Syau, Su'aidah, Kinah and Ummu to buy Arashi and Jun Matsumoto button badges. Pffttt..

Also, those days when I would pay several too frequent visits to my neighbours, Kinah and Nikmah whose room is two rooms away from mine to get my supplies of Japanese dramas and Arashi TV shows of which they have downloaded from Aibakaland (if I'm not mistaken).

I laughed when I remember the time when Syidah and I were watching some of our favourite scenes of 'Hana Yori Dango' when suddenly Madam Syahidah and a few of other fellows came barging into our room, doing a spot-check. I quickly switched off my laptop and when she asked me 'Cerita apa tu?' and I replied nonchalantly 'Kenapa? Madam nak tengok ke?'  thus making my roommates' mouths opened wide in shock and disbelievement.

 I didn't realize that I was being sarcastic. -____-
I meant to say 'Why? Do you want to check whether there is any inappropriate contents that are not suitable for a Muslim in this particular drama series?' Eh, it sounds sarcastic as well.

I quickly apologized to her at the cafe the next morning.

Those fruitless, non-productive days during short semester in CFS where I would read Jun Matsumoto+Inoue Mao gossips at Asianfanatics.net. Mind you, there were hundreds of pages! >_<

Spending my money on Hana Yori Dango 1, 2 and Hana Yori Dango the movie original DVDs when I could just get them from my friends! 

Writing a special blog post for Jun Matsumoto for his birthday. Pffttt...

Trashing my blog with posts and pictures of Arashi.

I was soo into this J-Pop thing starting from February 2009 till before I entered the main campus in 2010. Only one year plus of fandom then I got 'insaf'. :P

I truly wanted to be a hardcore Arashi fan. I wanted to go to the gatherings of Arashi's fans, I wanted to attend their concerts, I wanted to buy their super expensive DVDs (there were Hong Kong and Japanese edition), I swooned over the not-so-decent pictures of Arashi members. I wanted to be able to memorize all the lyrics to Arashi songs, I wanted soo much to love Arashi with all my heart. Not just Arashi, I wanted to be knowledgeable about K-Pop as well. Super Junior, DBSK, Wonder Girls, Girls' Generation, etc. 

The thing is, I couldn't do it. I couldn't love Arashi as much as I wanted to. No matter how hard I tried, I could never memorize the names nor distinguish the faces of all 13 members of Super Junior. Even memorizing facts that I learned in class is easier than this!It's just too hard. How stupid was I for trying too hard to accomplish unimportant, irrelevant things like these. There was this restriction and boundary. I don't know where did it come from. From Allah, maybe?

And so, right after I entered the main campus, I have changed a bit. I am proud to say that I'm no longer an Arashi fan. I've deleted 90% of their variety shows in my hard disk. I only kept those that are educational and informative. (Oi, betul ke no longer an Arashi fan?) In fact now, I have never even watched their variety shows. Takde supplier macam dulu, mungkin. 

Deep in my heart, I still missed being an Arashi fan. Their shows are so enjoyable and entertaining. But I asked myself again 'How long would you let yourself to be embraced with this 'entertainment'? and yes, I think I have changed. Haha. It must be the guidance from Allah, Alhamdulillah.

I still have my Arashi button badges, Jun Matsumoto fan, Arashi's glossy pictures, Arashi handphone keychain (though dah rosak, but I still keep it in my purse), Hana Yori Dango DVDs and other Japanese Dramas original DVDs and I still watch some Japanese dramas, mind you.

And now, when I looked at Matsumoto Jun, I was baffled as to why on earth did I once had an immense crush on this guy?

My 19 year-old self would find him oh so cute and attractive and charming.

My now almost 22 years old self would say 'Kenapalaaa aku pernah minat mamat ni dulu? Macam perempuan pulak tu. Poyo la pulak nampak mamat ni. Heii... malunya...'

3 years of living had brought so many changes within me, and that includes the 'definition' of attractive, charming, handsome (you name it).

Jun Matsumoto equals good looking??!! Now I get it why my non-Arashian friends tergelak-gelak bila tengok muka Matsumoto Jun. >_<

Okay, enough bashing him for his looks. I gotta admit, He IS handsome. But his style is so exaggerated and overrated. A Michael Jackson wannabe. Find your own style la, Jun. T_T

Not to say that everything about Arashi is bad. Nope.
Their songs could be soothing at times and the lyrics (if you read the translations) could be inspiring as well. And just like what I said before, their variety shows could be informative/educational and entertaining at the same time. No lawak-lawak bodoh Senario.

Through Arashi, I learned about other inspirational Japanese Dramas like 'Nobuta wo Produce', 'Dragon Zakura' and 'Gokusen'. Those dramas have their own 'souls', and they talked about life instead of love. So yes, I still watch selected Japanese dramas ( I tend to make a so-called intensive research about dramas before I actually watch them, LOL). I highly recommend you who are reading to watch these inspirational Japanese dramas instead of watching 'Putri yang Terbuang' or 'Putri yang Tertukar' or 'Nada Cinta' yang meleret-leret entah apa-apa.

I got to admit that the Arashi members inspire me in some ways.

 Jun Matsumoto indirectly introduced me to Haruki Murakami, and he influenced me to read my first Haruki Murakami's novel, which is 'Kafka on the Shore'. I'm reading '1Q84' now. His exceptional cooking skills brought me to shame *covers face with hands* and thus I am determined to improve my cooking skills.

Sho Sakurai is the most inspirational member of the group. He is a high achiever, graduated from a prestigious university (Keio University) in Japan with a degree in Economics, and comes from a good, highly educated family background. Apart from singing, MC-ing, and acting, he is also a newscaster, specializing in Economics welfare of Japan, also one of the official casters for the Beijing Olympics 2010. He teaches me that whatever you feel like doing, education comes first.

All five members of Arashi have their own shares of success, and they inspire me to be successful as well.

So yes, it's quite difficult to 'leave' those people who had given positive influences on you, though it was only for a year or two. LOL. But changes for the betterment of ourselves ARE good.

What about now? Is there any specific boyband that you had taken a liking for? Or any singer?

Let me think for a moment. Urm, Not really.

I tend to listen to old songs now. Songs of the 90's and early 2000's are really nostalgic. I've always loved oldies and instrumental and classical music. 'Jupiter' by Gustav Holst is on top of my list now.

Well, here it is. My favourite Arashi song.

Also, I realized that there are bigger things in life that I need to focus on. The average lifespan of a human being is about 70 years (assuming and estimating) and you don't know whether you could reach that particular age. Someday, you're going to die when you least expect it and what happens after you died? You will be questioned by the angels in the graves, and you'll weep in sorrow upon realizing that you have spent your short life on earth doing insignificant things that do not contribute to your 'bekalan' in akhirat. Is Arashi going to help you? I bet you'll laugh before you're even going to answer this question.

On a last note, in my opinion, it is not wrong to 'like' this particular boyband or whatsoever, but keep it in moderation. Don't let your life revolves around these people. Erkk..

Okay, bye-bye Arashi! Thanks for the wonderful memories! :)

P.S. I hope I'd be able to MEET you guys one day, and proudly say 'I was once your fan, you guys were my inspiration and I memorized the lyrics of Love So Sweet!' xD

Yes, I'm no longer an Arashi fan, but I'd like to meet those people who once took several significant steps into my life, thus indirectly changed me to the way I am now.

Thank you for reading and may peace be upon us all! :)

De-stressed

Salam'alaik.

I have this folder labelled 'Inspirations' in my laptop. 

Whenever I came across any inspiring or motivating photos, I'd save them into this folder. Sometimes I'd open this folder and browse through the pictures, pondering upon each word and relating them with the life I'm living now. And sometimes, I'd follow the suggestions and advices given in these photos! Hehe. 

I love number 4, because I love running.

Number 5 is undeniably true.

I practise number 6 whenever I met some girls I don't know on the way to the cafe. Greet them with a smile and salam, of course, for it is one of the beautiful teachings of Islam.

TRAVEL OFTEN! I'm planning to go to Indo-China (Vietnam, Cambodia) with my friends! Haha, PLANNING TO, kalau my parents bagi la, which is probably a 90% possibility that they won't. -___-.

That reminds me, I'm 22 this year. My mom got engaged when she was 21. It means she's matured enough to get engaged at that age. In a way, I'm matured enough (by one year older) to travel with my comrades in a foreign country! :P 

Plus, a primary school teacher who is usually around the age of 22-23 is entrusted by the students' parents to BRING the students to trips to KL, etc. LOL.

Maybe when I come home this mid break, I'd hold a discussion about 'Definition of maturity and your daughter is now 22' with my parents thus begging and persuading them to let me to on this trip. Worse come to the worst, my younger brother Syafiq can come to act as my 'chaperone'. Hehh.. >_<

I LOVE ALL THESE FIFTY WAYS!!! 

I always hug my friends whenever they're feeling upset.  I always hug my female friends to show my gratitudes to them. 

I always hug my younger sister and my youngest brother, Haziq. We commented that Haziq is becoming taller everyday (duh! Growth spurt of a child) because we each hugged and kissed him every single hour. :P

Of course, in the future, I would make it a point to hug my children everyday. When they wake up in the morning, before they go to sleep, whenever I'm happy or pleased with them, whenever they're upset. Cehh, dah fikir pasal children. 

This is an awesome place to be in, an amazing place to study. This place reminds me of the settings in Jane Austen's novels, the particular scene in 'Pride and Prejudice 1995' where Mr.Darcy played by Colin Firth swim in the lake in front of his mansion. This place is so beautiful. So breathtaking.

I wish, and pray and hope to go to this place someday. Insya-Allah. I just have to start working hard from now. 

And of course, the Holy Quran, the mukjizat given by Allah to Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, the 101 lifeguide for the Muslims, for the mankind.

Just take a few minutes of your day to read the translation and ponder upon its meanings. You'll realize that there are bigger things in life, and that the world is huge, wide, whatever you call it, and that your own problems would be insignificant, they're just specks. of. dust.

Of course, the beautiful verses of the al-Quran are the love letters from Allah to His servants, whenever we read and recite the verses, we're actually saying the words of Allah.

When we're feeling upset, it's as though Allah assures us by saying 'Be patient my dear'. 

'So verily, when there's difficulty, there's relief'.

'Verily, when there's difficulty, there's relief'

(surah al-Insyirah verses 5-6)

Bear in mind that nothing in this world is permanent, and that includes the difficulties and the problems you're facing now.

Wallahu'alam.

With that, thank you for reading and may you have a great day!