Dearest Mummy

Assalamualaikum and hello to all.
First of all, I MISS MY MOOOMMMYYY!!!!

Yeah, I miss my mum so much (eh, first time tulis pasal ni). I haven't seen her for more than 2 months. And I MISS HERR!!! :((

Dear Emak,
Sorry for not calling you for two to three days. I have been really busy this week. FIVE QUIZZES! I slept for less than 6 hours in a day and I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted! And I hate the quizzes, particularly, Microbiology quiz. I'm sure the other 98 students from my batch hate it too. >__<

I don't know how this started to happen to me. I've always been a 'smooth' speaker but just now. Argh,, just now! I was a bit panic and nervous, becoming all flabbergasted and I forgot some points and as usual, I would stare into space to look for ideas on what to say next. My friends said I did fine but I know they're just consoling me. I know better after all.This worries me. Public speaking has always been my forte. Not enough preparation, I guess. And I was tired after all.

I love Pharmacology but later on, I do realise that there's so much to be learned about it once you went deeper into the subject. I'm now hesitating (though it's really kind of early) whether I should take Pharmacology as my major in the future. I'm unsure of my future life. But I do know for sure that I don't want to forever working in the boring place called hospital. And to dwell into the industry area, I don't think I'm capable for that. In case of pursuing my studies, I just realised that I'd make a boring lecturer to my future students.
I'm tired of thinking about achieving this and that. I just want to go with the flow and be happy. I know that you and Abah won't pressure me or anything. It's just that I know that I have to work hard. I have aims, dreams, goals that I want to fulfill. 

I do think I should speak English more often. My English is getting rusty. Blurghhh...Oh yeah, speaking about hospital, I went to the hospital just now, for the visit to Central Sterile Supply Unit. It was boring. I don't like hospitals. It's such a dark, gloomy, depressing place for both the workers and the patients.

And Emak, my facilitator for Halaqah called me to say that she had sent my name together with another classmate as potential candidates to become Halaqah facilitator next year. I was a bit shocked. Someone like me? Becoming a halaqah facilitator? I'm not that good. I don't wear tudung labuh. I don't quote Quranic ayats. I watched lots of Japanese Dramas.I drool over cute celebrities. I'm afraid that I will become a bad influence to my 'adik-adik Halaqah'. And a hypocrite. But in a way I realise that this is one of the opportunities that Allah is bestowing upon me due to my desire to change.

I want to change so badly that it puts me in a dilemma. It's hard to leave all those 'wonderful' things behind. But I'll try, insya-Allah. I wanted to become a Muslimah who is respected by both the Muslims and non-Muslims.

I took a brain dominance test just now (from someone's blog) and I realised that I am right-brained. Most people in this world are left-brained. Does that make me special? LOL. But later on, I realised that I am BOTH right brained and left brained. But I prefer being a right-brained person. I want to work in a magazine in the future, I want to travel around the world, I want to become an activist, I want to write best-selling books, I want to change the world.

Don't worry. I will never ever give up. I don't want to admit defeat towards failure. It's just that I'm a bit tired. Or maybe it's due to PMS.

Dear Emak,
I've never said this directly to you but I know that you know that 'I REALLY MISS YOU!!!'
I can't wait for the coming 5 months holidays where I can spend more time with you, abah and adik-adik. I miss home, I miss Sungai Petani. I miss Kedah. I miss going to relatives' houses. I miss KEDAH. Let's go to the gym together, play tennis together and let's grow old gracefully together, hehe.

Dear Emak,
I miss gossiping with you, telling you almost everything about my life, 'bergayut' kat telefon sampai sejam lebih, hehe.

Dear Emak,
I think I'm in love. HAHAHA.

Dear Emak,
For now, you are my BEST FRIEND in the whole wide world. :)

Dear Allah,
Thank you for giving me such a wonderful mother. I will cherish and treasure her for as long as I live. :D

Thoughts: Allah plans everything in unpredictable ways. Yet the results turned out delightful. I am eternally grateful. :)