Random thoughts on insecurities

Well, I don't mind if I'm not included in the specific lecturer or any lecturer's 'Scorers' List'. But really, deep inside my heart, I longed to be like one of those people in the list. The power is within me, if I do wanted to be included in the list. But to study just for the purpose of getting into the list? I prefer to be knowledge oriented, and to try to love what I am learning. I just want to gain knowledge. I wish the day will come where I could prove to everyone that even though I'm just an average person academic-wise, that I am not born a genius or someone with a natural talent, could also become successful. I'm not blaming them for just looking and judging a student based on her academic performances, they are lecturers, after all. But if I ever become a lecturer/educator (I like this word. An educator), I pray that I would look beyond a student's academic performances. I believe that everyone is special in their own ways. I would like to inspire my students instead of pushing them hard. Besides, Allah is the one who gave the rezeki. It does not necessarily mean that a person with the lowest ranking of the batch would become the least successful amongst his/her friends. Allah is fair, some people might be good in this and a mediocre at that. Again, the Rezeki comes from Allah. For the moment, I would just like to seize the day, go with the flow and most importantly, be HAPPY (and try not to become too lazy :P).

I like the way I look now. I'm no beauty queen, pageant or having the features of those beautiful but mostly plastic Korean celebrities. But I am blessed with what I have, with how I look physically. I am unique, there is no one in this world who looks exactly the way I look, because my features are the reminiscent of my parents, that I am theirs, I am a part of them, they are important parts of me. There are some people who are being taken seriously, or that being instantly liked on the first moment just because they are good looking. And then, there are people like me, who had to prove something and make some efforts to be noticed by other people, to let our capabilities and abilities let known, so that we would be taken seriously by others too. This in a way, holds various advantages, for we will continue to polish our skills and develop new ones. Besides, as I grow older, I have learned to accept my flaws, for they make up 'ME'. Looks might be important on the first glimpse, but in actuality, they are merely secondary attributes. Looks do not last as you age, but the qualities inside you, the skills that you have developed over the years out of insecurities, will ultimately secure your future, inshaa Allah. 

I want to be known as an ordinary person with no specific gifts whatsoever who excel in life by giving her best, doing the best that she could with every determination that she could muster. 

“I would like to be remembered as someone who did the best she could with the talent she had.”

― J.K. Rowling

There are bounds to be some disagreements between people. It is inevitable. We could only change one thing: which is how we deal with those disagreements. Besides, it would be no fun if everyone keep agreeing with you. You will become all big-headed, and look highly towards yourself, which is also called 'riak'. In a way, Allah had sent people to disagree with you so that you could look back and ponder about your ideas and later on realized that there are some truths in the disagreements. Every person had been sent to you for a purpose. 

Al Hujurat verse 13:  

" O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted" 

 May Allah grant us all guidance and patience, ameen. On a last note,

'An ordinary person with extraordinary achievements had given extraordinary efforts'

End of post.