Of running

So, my friends and I joined the iPhA-Race and we got...

Number SEVEN out of EIGHT!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You know, the result is expected since the beginning. Not just us, but the other teams as well. 

We have never been that athletic but we ran quite far, and quite fast. 

I've never realized that I love running so much. 

So, yeah. It's just a disappointment that we couldn't prove to others that we the non-athletic people could do it. 

It's a double disappointment that we could not answer the questions given to complete the crossword puzzle. We arrived quite early at the finishing line, but we couldn't solve the crossword puzzle. The questions ranged from the 1st year till the 4th year.

What's more, the clue for the first station is ABSURD! Who on earth would rest at the Talhah Gazebo before going to the Kulliyyah of Pharmacy? Except for the gardeners and workers of course!

Anyway, let's just say that the top 3/top 5 places were not meant for us. 

I don't know, I'm disappointed with myself for being embarrassed with our position. We literally ran to the mahallah when they were about to announce the winners for the race, LOL. 

Someone told us that a brother from our group took the hamper on our behalf. Now why can't we just be proud of our own achievement? We have done our best, we have ran the fastest that we could, we have fully utilized each of our own mental capacity. 

And when we did not win, and that we got the 2nd last place, we mourned instead. We got embarrassed. I mean, it's ME who got embarrassed.  How I really wished that I could walk confidently with my head held high, taking the hamper and give my biggest smile. 

It's because I hate losing. I hate failures or anything that does not define 'success'. I am ashamed to say that the undesirable Chinese trait had ran in my blood. Kiasu-ness. My aunt said that Kiasu-ness runs in our family (my Singaporean mother's side). I can't help being kiasu though I am not in any position whatsoever to become one. 

And Luna told me that I am a perfectionist. I never realized I was. Then it hit me, I am actually a perfectionist! T__T

Is perfection everything? Does the top position mean everything to me? Do I really need to prove my self-worth to everyone in the form of a measly competition like this? Or any other worldly competition? Do I really need to jump into the bandwagon of the 'rat race'?

Another thing is that I hate being competitive, and losing in the competition that I've created myself. 

The wise people said that in every life's event, there is a lesson to be learned. Well, I have learned my lesson. Now it's time for the 'practical exam'. The 'practical exam' will happen sooner or later, and I hope that I will be prepared by that time. I'm scared of 'practical exams'. I hope it does not involve my studies. T__T 

I realized that there's so much that I need to change in myself. No no, as perfectionist as I am, I can't become a perfect person. No one could. It's just that when life throws lessons towards us, we know that those lessons are meant to be learned. Sometimes, we could just embrace our imperfections! For example, I hate my 'spontaneity'! 

Good day to you all. 

My Luna Lovegood.

We were on our nightly walk from the library to the mahallah when Luna said 

"Oh yes, I forgot to tell you what I think about your magazine,"

I clutched her hands, exclaiming "Oh no, is it that bad?"

I paused for a while, and said "Oh, never mind, I should be able to accept criticisms," 

She seemed amused and asked "Do you really want to hear the criticisms?"

I nodded "Yes, I need that to improve myself,"

And so, Luna began

"I thought that the magazine is good! There are some sentences that were accidentally cut-out by the designers, including the dean's speech (laughing), other than that, the whole contents are great, no grammatical errors, the designs are quite good, except for the last article. The design needs to be improved,"

I heaved a sigh of relief "I guess it's not that bad. You couldn't expect everything to be perfect,"

"Yes, it's great! You shouldn't be too hard on yourself," Luna labelled me as a perfectionist, something that I never thought I am . 

"Anyway, it's my first time doing this job,"

"Oh, it's your first time, then it's great!"

She continued "One word of advice. You shouldn't do everything by yourself. You might read the whole thing and you didn't realize of the mistakes committed. You should let another person to read it as well, so that she could detect the mistakes that you did not see," 

Wise. As expected of her. Thanks Luna! =)

Luna (not her real name) is a one-year-older Algerian friend I have made for the past six months (since the previous semester). She is currently pursuing her Masters here in IIUM Kuantan. We got to know each other ever since she posted several comments on my blog, way before she came to Malaysia. We finally met each other here in Kuantan. 

She's a book lover, someone weird (just like me!) I think I have found someone I could confide my problems to, someone whom I could talk to, about people I have issues with. LOL. It's because she is not a Malaysian, and she is not my classmate, and she doesn't know who are my friends. So it's kind of liberating to finally let everything out to her, to pour out my heart's contents and to be relieved with the support she gave. She is a good listener and she responds well to my rants and babbles, haha. Most importantly, we agree on most matters and that she does not JUDGE me. 

So, thank you Luna. I feel blessed that Allah sent you here for me all the way from Algeria. =) 

May our friendship lasts till Jannah. 

Heartbroken

A so-called tragedy had befallen me.

It is in the form of a magazine of which I had put so much efforts into. There were some errors here and there, partly due to the designers' well....(insert something). Anyway, the editor's face in front (besar gedabak gambar tu!) is the face that everyone knows and will put heaps of comments to, the one that people will criticize. "Now why didn't the editor check each and every word of every article before deciding to print the magazine?" Yeah, I know. It's my fault. Also due to some agreements we have made with the lecturer of which the students don't have any idea of, but unfortunately, the 'agreements' had materialized into something that had been perceived as 'errors and confusions'. Why, why why? They asked. Well, the team and I have done our best, and that's what matters most. Soon after I arrived at my room, I had stashed the magazine away to the bookshelf, never to look at it again. But when I went to a friend's room, she had taken the magazine from her shelf and pointed every single flaw of the magazine to me. *sad*. Well, I have to learn how to accept criticisms. 

So yeah, I have apologized to my class.

This kind of embarrassing but EQ-building moment had led me to reminisce the horrible unfortunate event that I have experienced in my first year in IIUM. The moment of public embarrassment in front of over hundreds of people in the auditorium, looking and scrutinizing my every action on stage. The moment where the program manager rolled his eyes towards me, of which I instantly wished that the stage would collapse at that very moment or that I will sink into the deep core of the earth. 

So yeah, the first public humiliation experienced during my first semester of my first year in IIUM and also the current public humiliation experienced now, during my first semester of my final year in IIUM.

There are other so-called humiliations and regrets that I have experienced throughout these 4 years here. It's a part and parcel of life of course. *sigh*. *take a deep breath*. 

And oh, humans. Humans are those imperfect beings that you couldn't help but to get annoyed with or get irritated by them at times, but because they are imperfect, you can't really blame them for their actions. 

Screw all these embarrassments! Listen here, and LISTEN WELL. I, am going to become someone SUCCESSFUL in the future! 

These so-called tragedies would become parts of my 'hurdles while climbing up the ladder of success'. 

Like what I always said to my younger brother, who have had bitter experiences and disappointments of his own, "Orang yang berjaya ni selalunya Allah bagi dugaan besar sikit berbanding orang biasa'. 

Thanks Allah for giving me the strength. Alhamdulillah. Just like the Great Jang Geum, 

"I WOULD NEVER GIVE UP! NO ONE CAN FORCE ME TO GIVE UP!" 

I am not being presumptuous. This is my own way of consoling myself. 

With that, arigato gozaimasu...*bows* 

Before and After

Bak kata Iira, "Muka semua orang lepas Tutorial CPK Bro. Tarek". 

Indeed! Muka I jugak lepas habis PT attachment kat hospital. Lepas habis discussion dengan pharmacist and lecturer. Muka frustrated bila tak dapat meet the pharmacist's expectations, what the lecturer wants. This feeling of incompetence. Macam ni laaa...

Muka bila habis tutorial CPK yang dah pening-pening dengan banyak formula, equations and such..Muka confused bila dapat tahu "Eh kenapa tukar dengan value ni, lepas tu value tu pulak?" This feeling of "Macam mana ni, dah fourth year, next year dah kerja kat hospital". Macam ni laaa..

Oh yeah, 

Glossary:

PT: Pharmacotherapeutics

CPK: Clinical Pharmacokinetics

I'm in my final year now. It's the final run. I'm getting near to the finishing line now. I just need to speed up! Just a little bit more! There there... 

And my seniors ramai dapat Sabah and Sarawak. There there... 

Wassalam. 

Mr. Lembu Goes to Heaven

Outdated Post #1

Spent our Aidiladha in Malaysia's Jelapang Padi --> Kedah! :)

Woke up at 5 something, performed Subuh prayer, self-preparation, early breakfast and we set off to Pokok Sena, Alor Setar from Sungai Petani. :) 

Haziq was sleeping throughout the journey. 

 It was a nice early morning weather. Cloudy, yeah.. Sorry for the bad picture. Captured it while I was in the car. 

Meet the handsome Mr. Lembu #1 :) 

Meet the stubborn Mr.Lembu #2. It kept trying to run away!! Dx 

 Mr. Lembu #1 was being very cooperative.

 Pinning its forelegs down...

 Look at its eyes... :(

 Dah kena sembelih. I gotta admit that there were tears in my eyes. Diorang laungkan takbir raya waktu nak sembelih Mr. Lembu. Of course la sebak....

You know what people said "Tak boleh kesian kat binatang korban. Nanti tak boleh makan,". Can anyone give me a reliable hadith/dalil or Quranic ayat regarding this? I mean, I meredhai pemergian Mr.Lembu (LOL) but as a normal human being with humanistic feelings, of course I couldn't help but to feel sad upon witnessing 'deaths', be it human beings/animals. My youngest brother Haziq, 9 years old also couldn't control his feelings. He's only a kid! 

To Mr. Lembu who was about to breathe out its last breath, I silently said "Be patient. It's only a bit more. You'll go to heaven, Mr. Lembu,"  

Farewell, Mr. Lembu. Heaven awaits you. :') 

What happened during QA class

The subject Quality Assurance is well... (insert something). It's an interesting subject but...

To avoid myself from succumbing into the world of wonders upon closing my eyes, I decided to avert my attention towards something else.

So I had made up my list of inspirational women, ranging from Nellie Bly to Fa Mulan of the Disney movie 'Mulan'. I also made up my 'to-watch list' which mainly consists of anything Jane Austen related, from 1995's Clueless (watched it, but gonna download it! :P) to the semi autobiographical movie 'Becoming Jane' with Anne Hathaway as Jane Austen. 

I listened to Dr.H talking about the landfills and proper pharmaceutical waste disposal methods, at the same time thinking about my list when suddenly, 

Dr H: You know last time on TV, there was a story about (something environment) covered by that reporter. What was his name, Karamjit Singh?

Me: KARAM SINGH WALIA!!! (in a very loud voice)

And people started laughing and looking at me. I literally covered my face in embarrassment. 

The End. 

All Grown Up

It's quite random actually. I suddenly decided to read the old posts (talking bout 2008 till 2010?) of this person's blog, this someone I've known since school.  I read some of the posts, the comments I have posted, and I smiled. :)

2007-2013. 5 years have passed. I was so immature back them. I'm not that matured now, but at least I'm in a process of growing up, to learn how to think like how an adult should think, I think. :P

It's the same when you read back your old blog posts and got all embarrassed looking at the things you're not supposed to write, things you're not supposed to tell others. Things not worth telling though.

I realized that as you grow up, you become more self-conscious as to how you appear to others. That's the reason why I no longer express my thoughts as freely as I could now, as compared to 5-6 years ago. There are pros and cons to this. 

People who have been reading my blog ever since I started writing it (just finished my SPM) until now (when I'm about to leave university and embrace the 'working world!') would have observed how much I've changed all these years, from writing style to how I perceive life and whatever lies in it. Right?

So this blog chronicles my life after the BIG SPM, agony of waiting for the results, getting the results, agony of choosing which course to take, which uni to go, which path to walk on, then moving on to my series of adventures and misadventures in CFS (2 years of them!) and going to Kuantan to pursue my degree-freshman year, sophomore year, junior year and now ahemm. SENIOR YEAR!

So much things had happened to me, and these are the things that slowly moulded me and shaped me to become a better person than I was 5 years ago (I hope so!). 

What is this, an introduction to 'sarahkushairi.blogspot.com'? Whoa, this blog had witnessed how much I've grown up! People I've met, friends I've made, unfulfilled dreams, new paths that I had taken, that kind of thing. The various short-lived phases that I've gone through- J-Dramas, Matsumoto Jun, Arashi, and... others, were also depicted on this blog. 

I don't know. All these had stemmed from after I have 'visited' that blog of an old friend, randomly.  

And oh, yup. I started blogging when I was sixteen. That old, first blog of mine still exist. (I won't give anyone the URL). I 'visited' it occasionally, and laughed at the things that I wrote there. Mostly it was about 'what happened at school'. 

Do you want to get a glimpse of how 'Sarah' was like 1-2-3-4-5-6 years ago? Well, I don't really recommend this, but you could browse through the archive of this blog, from December 2007 till now, October 2013. You might get slightly annoyed with the old me. Haha. If you're curious la. 

To finally end this post, a quote that I made up for i-Mag (I'm the editor). 

Napi (the manager) wanted something that reflects 'happiness' and 'KOP students'. Those are the keywords. I couldn't find any appropriate quote that fits the keywords. And so, I decided to make my own quote, LOL (iit is also to maintain the originality of the magazine). Here it is:

'Memories must be prescribed, for happiness to be dispensed'. 

 I know it sounds weird as you read it the first time. But try to ponder upon this quote, and you'd finally get what I'm trying to convey. As I read this quote to my friends, they agree that memories, be it bitter or sweet, will definitely leave traces of happiness in your life, sooner or later. You might think something that you're going through now, as something awful. But give it time, you'll look back at it and think it's funny (someone told me this). 

And then you laughed. Laughter is synonymous with happiness.

Smile. :) Make lots of memories! Be happy!

With that, assalamualaikum and adieu! 

PCE Part Two

The committee members had just posted the videos on facebook. So here it is.

Me and 'makcik' Alice

When you're about to watch this video, please set the screen definition into 480p (the highest definition there is). And oh yes, my voice is...unusual. I don't like it that much( it really sounds weird when you listen to yourself talking). Most importantly, pay attention to the 'makcik's superb acting!! :D Makcik boleh masuk sitkom makcik! xD 

That's all from me. Assalamualaikum. 

Fourth Chapter of Final Year

So I went to the first debate practice last night. Not exactly debating, but watching those awesome guys debated about this particular topic. 

I was the oldest/most senior person there. So sad. Didn't realize that I was that old until two junior guys there (1st year Pharmacy) asked for my tips on 'time management'. "Kak Syahirah (yeah, Syahirah!), macam mana nak manage time?" LOL !Are you guys for real?. Okay, I'm already old. I'm a senior. I'm a fourth year student. I'm a FINAL year student. 

And oh, the debaters are so freaking awesome that they gave me inferiority complexes. I know, you need a A LOT of practices. Correct Grammar doesn't matter like seriously. Haha. As long as you can deliver your points, and make the audience understand, then it is okay. 

Speaking of the name 'Syahirah'. I almost forgot that I have this name, :P. I lost my matric card, and I paid for the new one, and put the name 'Syahirah' in front, so that I wouldn't forget my identity. From now on, whenever I meet a new person/a group of people, I'd introduce myself as 'Syahirah'! :D

Oh, I think I have told you that I am so happy and comfortable being in a laboratory, doing my research project. I feel so calm and peaceful, surrounded by amber bottles of chemicals and laboratory apparatus. I'd be happier if I'm alone in the lab, that I'd softly hum my favourite songs while washing the used lab utensils. 

My future house shall include a library and a laboratory for my personal use. I'm already thinking of converting the spare room upstairs into a laboratory. But I guess my mom wouldn't let me do that. 

I think I've been influenced by my favourite childhood cartoon- Dexter's Laboratory, or maybe I lacked sleep. 

Well, that's all! :D

It's really hard..But I'll persevere.

At this point in life, I realized that the BIGGEST hurdle that I have to overcome is MYSELF. 

Third Chapter of Final Year

The first week of lecture had passed by, leaving us with another 4 lecture weeks before the mid break/Raya Haji holiday starts in October.

I am taking 6 core courses subjects and an elective 'Research Project' subject. I'm feeling better now as compared to my first day here. 

I find Clinical Pharmacokinetics to be the most challenging subject this semester. The rest just requires reading and memorization. CP, on the other hand, needs intense comprehension on the list of topics and oh, we have to perform lots of calculations involving different variables provided in the patient's charts, using various mathematical formulae. Clearly, this subject reminds me of Additional Mathematics and Physics all over again. 

Throughout the 3 years in the pharmacy course (I'm a final year student now, ahemm), I have always studied for examinations. But not this year. This year, I am going to change. Screw the exams! I am going to study for my beloved future patients. :P It means that I'm gonna study for Allah's sake la. When you berbakti and  berbudi bahasa' towards people (without any other intention except to make them BETTER in terms of health and maybe appearances), you make Him feel pleased with you, insya-Allah. And so, when studying, I'm gonna visualize that my patient is now in a critical condition and so I need to find out what is actually happening to him. LOL. So yes, study and work for Allah's sake. It's a way to gain pahala. Oi, you don't want pahala ke Sarah?? 

Remember that I used to complain about me feeling confused and clueless as to 'what am I doing in this course?' and that 'I wanted to take other art courses like Law, Journalism or Anthropology?' Nope. That phase is finally over. Full stop. After taking the 'Ethics and Law' subject last semester, where we were forced to memorize the contents of the Law Book, I feel that 'Law' and I do not 'click' with each other. (I got an A- for that paper though). I don't feel the satisfaction of studying that kind of thing.

I guess I have always liked challenges. I wanted to study something that requires me to think really hard and gives me headaches. As much as I despise memorizing the lengthy list of drugs (plus their mechanism of actions, adverse effects, etc etc), I feel that I'd rather memorize the names of those drugs rather than the Regulations, Sections and Acts of the Law subject. And oh, I love History. I can memorize the facts and figures in the History books/articles better than I do with Pharmacology subject/or any other Pharmacy subject. I'm not bragging, I'm just stating the truth. Many of my friends could memorize the names of drugs better than the historical facts. Like I said, I love challenges. There is that satisfaction that could not be described when you finally managed to memorize and master the subjects/topics that you have taken so much time to painstakingly learn and comprehend. 

I'm not comparing Pharmacy with History or Law per se, but you get it? So yes, this is it. If any of you ever came across 'Pharmacy is not Me. I'd rather do something else' in this post or in speech, then feel free to knock my head with an empty 500 ml mineral water whenever you see me. You should knock some senses into me. 

With that, Thank you. And please pray for my success in this world and hereafter. Ameen. May you have a great day and may you be blessed always. :) 

Second chapter of Final Year

I woke up in the morning, went to the bathroom, turned on the tap. No water coming out of it. Still in daze, I went to the toilet cubicle, turned on the tap and oh, no water jugak.

It suddenly hit me. NO WATER! How am I going to answer my nature's call? How am I going to perform my wudhu' for Subuh prayer? ESPECIALLY the former one! Second one can do tayammum.

Borrowed a pail from my friend Jay. Glad to find out that the sink at the pantry has water flowing out of its tap, though rather slowly. Filled the pail with water and brought it to the shower cubicle.

Suddenly realized that there's not enough water to wash and rinse away all the soap bubbles I had on me. So I went outside again, filled the pail with water and went into the shower cubicle, having my shower for the second time. LOL. 

So, throughout the day,  the residents of Mahallah Maimunah had become like those villagers in rural areas. 

In the afternoon right after the class ended, followed my roommates to ECM. Performed Asar prayer at the mosque located near it. Went into ECM. I didn't intend to buy anything as I've bought my groceries last Sunday. I suddenly realized that I was in a dire need for a new class bag. My favourite purple canvas bag had been stolen by the thieves strike morons when they broke and entered into my house last Raya holidays. I am left with three old bags in campus. And the one that I brought along to ECM was the blue, faded canvas bag with 'Universal Studios Singapore' sewn in front of it. Low quality bag. Why did I ever buy it? T__T. 

So I walked around by myself. Went to FOS, saw an array of bags being displayed there. Each of them costs about RM39.90 to RM49.90. But they are of low qualities and I don't like the designs. 

Went to Brands Outlet. Ditto.

Finally went into Quicksilver. Saw one black canvas bag that really attracted me. ROXY. 50% discounts. Whoa. I walked around first. Looked at the variety of backpacks on the shelves. There was one backpack of which I had fallen in love at first sight. I looked at the price tag. RM279.90. *PENGSAN*. 

I went out of Quicksilver and went upstairs to the 2nd level to Tropicana Life shop. The bags there are quite pricey as well, but ROXY wins in terms of its colourful designs. Oh, on the way up there, I took the escalator. You know what I hate about this escalator which takes a LOONGG time to reach up there? GUYS in escalators. To be specific, a group of guys in the escalators, standing in front of you. YOU. ALONE. BY YOURSELF. That they casually looked behind, looking at you. Staring at you. Talking among themselves about.. I dunno. I didn't know which way to look so I occasionally looked behind to spare the awkwardness. My smartphone wasn't there with me, so I can't like, play games or whatever. So I just looked elsewhere, maybe staring above me, clearly aware of them staring at me, praying that the escalator would go faster (to no avail).They are like school kids. Those who have never seen a woman before. Woman la sangat. This had happened several times already. Huh! And even when we had reached to the 2nd floor, and when I was about to enter another shop, one of them turned his head to continue looking at me. Whatever la. Anyway, I looked selekeh with my simple black and white baju kurung and black tudung-a classic-just-got-back-from-class look. 

So I withdrawn my money from the ATM. Went downstairs to Quicksilver. Finally decided to buy the bag on discounts. Normal price RM169.90 *PENGSAN* but 50% discounts, RM85 approximately. A but pricey but it's worth it. I love canvas bags. They are durable and sturdy. Long lasting. 

Arrived at campus.. Went to Kulliyyah of Pharmacy to perform Maghrib prayer. Went back to Mahallah.  Found out that the taps had brown water gushing out of them Filled the pail with water once more. And I slept early last night.

So here it is. A diary entry. :P 

First Chapter of Final Year: LOST

Yo, final year already la. 

As of now, I am feeling clueless and lost. Perhaps it's the after-effect of fever. Perhaps I'm having fever due to yesterday's heavy downpours.

I tried writing (continuing my stories), but I feel unsure of how the plot will end. Maybe I should just go with the flow, isn't it? That will make the story more realistic instead of looking fake and staged.

I hope I will become more excited and energetic once the classes begin tomorrow. 

Tomorrow, tomorrow, 

I love you tomorrow,

You're always a day away... 

-Annie- 

Thought of the Day

Just like Dae Jang Geum, I would never give up!!!

Of Marriage and Mutual Weirdness

Assalamualaikum and a very good day to all.

We each has different dreams, and one should not scorn over another person's dream, no matter how ridiculous or far-fetched it is. Dreams, when translated into a more practical term is called life's plans.

At this blooming age (reproductive la, fine), people would naturally opted 'marriage' as one of their life's plans. People have plans to get married as early as they could. At least, after they have graduated or at the very most, before they hit 30. 

Just recently, a friend of mine had told me that she is ready to get married and to start a family. She voiced  out her concern of having not met 'anyone' yet and that she is afraid that she might end up getting married at quite a 'matured' age. LOL.

To be truthful, that friend aside, I have met many friends who planned on getting married right after they have graduated. But when I asked them "Do you have a calon yet?" most of them said "No, not yet,"

Of course, it is nature of humans to plan but whether their plans materialized or not, it is up to Allah to decide. I confess that I laughed silently upon listening to their similar answers but ahem, do not make fun of other people's dreams, Sarah. 

Most of those people I met, who planned on getting married apparently do not have any other life's plans; i.e, plans for themselves. They feel that as long as they got married, then everything will be okay. That their ultimate dream has been fulfilled. MOST people okay, MOST. I have met a married couple who have their own individual dreams to accomplish (you know who you are, :P).

I would not chastise anyone who feels that 'marriage' is the epitome of happiness.  Just like a dream, different person has different definition of happiness. Who am I to judge you if you tell me that you'd achieve happiness once you get married and who are you to judge me if I tell you that I'd achieve happiness once I met Song Joong Ki? LOL KIDDING!

But indeed, it is wrong if you feel that ONLY by getting married, then ONLY you'll be happy. It is very worrying if you keep on thinking about marriage when you could do something else for yourself. What if you ended up getting married, and later on finding out that the marriage is not full of snowdrops and rainbows like what you have imagined before? Bear in mind, a perfect marriage only exists in fictions. A less than perfect marriage? I'm all armed for that, or at least I think so. T___T

I am saying that you should not put marriage as a basis for your happiness level. I think that it is quite ridiculous for you to keep on waiting for your future soulmate to arrive right in your front door without doing anything else. 

"When is he going to come for me?"

"I'm tired of waiting,"

" Will I end up as a spinster?"

It is not wrong to wait and hope for him to come. But in the mean time, why don't you try to have other dreams for yourself? Why don't you sign up for a language class, travel abroad with your friends, have a series of adventures, going down the Sungai Rejang, go camping at the Taman Negara, volunteered for a charity body, participate in Masterchef Malaysia (LOL), like, you know, doing productive and FUN stuffs? Things that you would have lesser time to do once you have gotten married. 

I once read a quote that 'You will find love when doing things that you love," Well, sort of. Haha. I have this firm conviction that once you are preoccupied with other matters (other than thinking about your prince charming), then your significant other will slowly slip in, entering your life. 

After all, Allah do things in the most unexpected ways, right? Surprise!!! 

They'd be greatly astonished

to learn that for a long time

chance had been playing with them.

Not yet wholly ready

to transform into fate for them

it approached them, then backed off,

stood in their way

and, suppressing a giggle,

jumped to the side.

-Love at First Sight by Wislawa Szymborska

I think that for you who have been worrying about this, why don't you take a deep breath? Relax, calm down. Believe in what had been written when you were about to be created. If Allah had decreed that you will find your future spouse at this specific time or place then what is there to be worried about? Believe in Him! And His promises! He would never ever broke/had never broken any promise made! 

If you feel tired of waiting, or is doubting Him, maybe this is His way of testing you. Perhaps if you passed this 'Patience Test' then only He will send your other half to you!

With every test, there is an outcome. You passed the Test, you will be rewarded. You failed the Test, have no fear, there will be another test, again and again until you passed the Test. He would make sure that you get what He had promised to you. That is why, Allah is the BEST! :D 

As for me? Right now, marriage is not included in my 'short term life plans'. Recently, there had been a talk of matchmaking me with someone, of which I think that it is really ridiculous and that I quickly brush it off! I don't think that the 'matchmaker' is being serious anyway but the very thought of it brings chills down my spine! NO! (Matchmaker is a relative) But I'm sure that in the future, there will be more 'matchmaking talks', to my chagrin. *rolled eyes*. 

Maybe it's because I have many goals and dreams waiting to be achieved, that I do not think much about marriage, alhamdulillah. My parents do not force me to get married right after graduation (unlike the parents of some of my friends), of which I am very thankful for that, and that I intend to take care of my parents, siblings, relatives and the society first. Hamboihhh.. 

But of course, if there comes a day, when Allah had secretly let someone walked into my life of busy-ness and the yet-unfulfilled dreams, then I simply could not refuse it, right? LOL.

HAPPY SEEKING FOR LOVE! Before that, be sure to seek for the ETERNAL love first, insya-Allah you will feel loved. :) 

And oh, remember this 'Hati manusia ni, Allah yang pegang. If you love Allah, and Allah loves you, Allah will give you the best person for you, so, be sure to love ALLAH! <3 nbsp="">

Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you!! 

How I won the PCE Competition

28/8/13 Gala Night

Emcees: And now, moving on to the top 3 winners of the PCE Competition.

Me and my friends: *makan makan*

The third place goes to...

UNIVERSITI KEBANGSAAN MALAYSIA! (with the name of the participant)

Me to Syau: At least I lega la diorang dah announce number 3. Kalau number 3 pun I tak dapat, memang I takkan menang la.

The second place goes to...

UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI MARA! (with name of participant)

Me to Syau: Tu lah kakak 4th year yang I cakap terer tu.

Safi (a junior at the table): Mesti kak Sarah menang la.

Me: Takdenye la. Safi tengok ke?

Safi: Tengok, best sangat! 

Safi and other juniors: Mesti akak menang la.

Me: Tak lahh... (eat cakes)

And the winner of the PCE Competition goes to.....

INTERNATIONAL!

Semua orang tepuk tangan. Kek terlepas daripada garpu Diba. My friends yang lain terkejut terus bersorak. I terus bangun. I was really shocked.

ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY MALAYSIA!

I terus jalan lalu red carpet pergi pentas. Jalan ayu-ayu dulu, then lari kejap, then jalan ayu balik. All the time you could see the looks of disbelief on my face. I kept on saying 'Oh my God, Oh my God'. cehhh.. 

I don't even hear them calling out my name because I was walking to the stage at that time LOL memalukan betul. But then, I was the only participant from IIUM for that competition ahaks!

On the way naik stage, I nampak Prof. Norzailina (if I'm not mistaken) tengah senyum kat I. I pun senyum. Naik tangga ke stage dengan ayunya. She held out her hands and I took it.

"Tahniah!" she said and handed me the trophy.

I pusing kanan. Ada photographer. I flashed my most winning+terkejut smile. Haha. Then I turun tangga dengan ayunya karang nanti tersadung malu hoii...

Everyone's eyes was on me. I jalan pergi tempat duduk. Along the way, I lalu meja my juniors. They all tepuk. I cakap dekat Nash dengan dramatiknya "Seriously tak sangka akan menang tahu tak!" and I jalan to my table. 1st and 2nd year juniors at the other two tables applauded. I said "Thank you!" and nodded. 

Then I pun duduk balik kat kerusi sambung makan Oreo Cheese Cakes. Ahaha.

So right now I'm going to tell you the story on how I won the PCE Competition.

First of all, what is PCE Competition?

PCE Competition stands for Patients' Counselling Education Competition. In this competition, you were  given a prescription of the patient's details, medications, history etc and you need to study it before you finally counsel the patients on the correct usage of those medications. 

Sounds easy? 

Not really! At least, not for me. I was forced to participate one day before the competition itself. Because me and my friends (5 of us) were the only 3rd year students there and the junior had some sort of a ridiculous notion that we are experienced in counselling the patients. I had completed my 30 days of attachment at the community pharmacy but I have never had a lengthy hands-on experience in counselling. But alhamdulillah, I have once watched the PCE competition last year during APPS Taiwan 2012 and had a rough idea on how counselling (and the competition) would look like. 

The next day, we had to pick a number. I got number 6 (the order of counselling) and received case number 3. It was quite an easy case. Mrs Alice, a 70 years old patient who is a regular customer at your pharmacy coming with a prescription. She has CCF (Congestive Cardiac Failure) and is prescribed with Digoxin, Lasix (Furosemide) tablets and also aha, Protazine tablets for nausea and vomiting. 

Before that, we were required to attend the Patient Counselling Workshop handled by Prof Azmi, a professor of Clinical Pharmacy at USM. I sat in the 2nd row (LOL) and listened attentively to what he was talking about, furiously scribbling on my notebook while Syau dozed off beside me, haha! 

So I had to do some research la that night. The problem was, I didn't bring anything! No laptop/broadband, not even a MIMS! So one very kind hearted, spunky (I like her!) USM girl, Suraya offered to lend me her laptop+internet. After a very long day (Pharmtastic Race around USM from 2-6 pm), Battle of University at night and practising the 'Joget Malaysia' until 1.30 am for the 'Impromptu Competition' the next day, I got back to my room at about 2 am and from then, I studied for the competition until 4 in the morning, and woke up at 5.45 am.

I made a script, and decided to rewrite it again, and again. Even on the way to the Community Outreach Programme (whereby I volunteered to do health screening-taking blood glucose measurement), I reread the script again and again, and added something else. After the COP, I redrafted the script and practised with my friend Hidayah on counselling (she became Mrs Alice). I stammered a lot and redrafted the script again. While we were on our way back to USM, I redid the script again. Okay, final! After solat Zuhur pun I practised with my roommate Fatin Hanani.

Then waktu petang, it was time for the PCE Competition. I got really nervous. After being quarantined with the other participants( there were 8-9 representatives from those different 9 universities who participated in this competition. IIUM, USM, UKM, UiTM, Taylor's, CUCMS, AIMST, AMU, UM) I went into the hall, half filled with audience. There was even a video-cameraman who set off to record the whole counselling event for each participant. At that time, that kakak from UiTM was counselling a patient. She was awesome! The participant before me said "Good la, she!" and I agreed whole-heartedly.

It was finally my turn soon after. With bismillahirrahmanirrahim, I walked to the stage and the patient came in. Mrs Alice was in the form of a Malay lady who is verrrryyy talkative. Before competition, makcik Alice said that she wanted to talk in Malay. 

Me: Apa khabar Mrs Alice?

Mrs Alice: Ni tuan doktor ke? Awat lain bebenor? 

Me: Eh Mrs Alice kan dah selalu datang pharmacy saya, tak kenal saya ke?

Mrs Alice: Mrs Alice tu nama glamour makcik. Malu la.

Me: Saja nak bagi makcik glamour. :P

Me: Makcik, anak makcik no 2 tu dah kahwin? (spontaneous betul!)

Mrs Alice: Belum, kamu nak jadi menantu makcik? (makcik pun ikut layan!) 

Me: Boleh jugak! (with a smug smile) 

Laughter erupted in the hall.

Towards the end, when the time's almost up:

Me: Makcik, ni saya nak tulis nota untuk anak makcik. Nanti dia boleh la tolong bagi makcik makan ubat.

Makcik: Kamu tulislah sekali kirim salam kamu kat dia

HAHAHAHA. 

There are many more dialogues la. And it was very hilarious, thanks to the 'Makcik'. Remember the script that I had rewritten and revised over and over again? Habis terbang semua skrip. Spontan je semua dialog. I think my strong point is that I was able to mingle with the makcik and educate her on the correct usage of drugs by using layman's terms/bahasa kampung. That's what people said la. I'd attribute the 90% of success to the makcik and of course, 100% to Allah s.w.t for giving me the makcik as my patient and for giving me the wits and strength to counsel her. By the way, the 'makcik' is a 3rd year Pharmacy student who is VERY TALENTED in acting! 

It was really unexpected. I was satisfied after the counselling session. I think that there was a low chance of me winning it, as it is not something that educational/informative. But then, I was surprised that the judges liked it. I remember not talking much, only 'layan-ing' the makcik, but I once remember my lecturer said that 'You have to listen to the patients and let the patients talk more than you do," so maybe that's the reason why I guess. And that you must make the patient feels comfortable with you. 

I think those are the aspects that the judges are looking for. Some may not be satisfied with me winning it, attributing it to pure luck but of course, we can't please everyone. And luck, or to be more appropriate, rezeki comes from Allah s.w.t, isn't it?

Initially, I was very nervous and scared, but I was quickly reminded of a very memorable quote that has now become my life mantra:

After the announcement, the 'makcik' went to my table to congratulate me. I said thanks to her.

Makcik: Nasib baik awak layan saya!

Me: Kenapa, yang lagi dua orang tu tak layan ke? (3 participants including myself had the same case/patient)

Makcik: Yang first tu tak layan. Yang nombor 3 tu okay la cuma dia salah bagi instruction.

Me: Oh, yang Q.D tu mesti dia confused dengan QID kan? 

QD= once daily

QID= four times daily.

Note: Digoxin and Lasix supposed to be given once daily, not four times daily. 

Makcik: Aah, kitorang dah bagitahu dia tapi dia mcm tak percaya

Me: Oh okay, thanks! (and we hugged each other)

With this, I'd like to first and foremost give thanks to Allah s.w.t for helping me all the way and for answering my prayers, the makcik for being a cooperative patient, complementing the 'drama queen' side of me haha, Tengku Nabilah Suraya who lent me her laptop, Hidayah for becoming my first patient (while practising), Fatin Hanani my roommate, Syau, Diba and the rest of IIUM students who came to NoGaps, committe members of NoGaps USM. awesome judges who appreciate a good sense of humour (hehe) and yes, everyone! You guys are the best! 

Oh, this is video about a PCE competition (not mine), in case you wanted to know how it really looks like.

THE END. 

#WhatIMissAboutSchool

It's one of the various #hashtags on Twitter. 

Oh hello. Assalamualaikum.

Let's start, shall we.

Great memories in SMK Convent Father Barre Sungai Petani 2003-2007. :'). Actually banyak lagi I miss about school. Terasa macam nak tulis panjang-panjang the experiences I had at school. Next post la, insya-Allah. =) 

Oh so Random.

Hello. Assalamualaikum.

So, done with my 30 days mencari cinta of community pharmacy attachment. I've learned a lot, alhamdulillah. I'm still inexperienced, but I could vouch that I'm a better pharmacy student now than when I was before. It feels surreal. I'm gonna miss Mak Su and Kak Di (the two pharmacy staffs who had been very kind to me throughout these 30 days). I'm gonna miss the cats with whom I have love-hate relationships with. Definitely not going to miss the time where Mek Yen (a naughty ginger cat) disturbing me as I savoured over my Ramen (Korean la sangat! Maggi sudah..) at the counter. Haha. 

I'm trying to become a knowledge oriented person. I hereby concluded that I've been in a prolonged state of daze and confusion throughout these 3 years. I didn't know what am I doing in this course. When there were quizzes and exams, I'd just study without really knowing the purpose of studying. You know, when you are confused, you decided to just go with the flow. If I wasn't confused I am sure that I would become a (ahem!) Dean's List student every semester. I wasn't sure of what I'm doing there. So, yeah. It's not like I'm not a bright student. It's just that, like I said, I'm in a state of where I couldn't see my purpose in life. What am I doing here? What is everybody doing? Everyone is studying? Okay, let's study then! Exam's over and I had forgotten what I had been cramming inside my head for the past few months.

And oh, it's a miracle, also a well-known fact that the homework that required you to complete it in 30 days COULD be completed in just several hours at the night BEFORE the deadline. HAHA. 

I logged into facebook and I saw this picture of my classmates posing with a Japanese woman in front of a Japanese castle. I am feeling very jealous!!! Grrrr!! I kind of regretted my decision of not applying for APPS Japan 2013 (though I've been ensured of a place by my friend Tiqah!). But oh, China or Japan? China, going there with my group of close friends and my classmates. Japan, only with a group of people. China, cheaper. Japan, EXPENSIVE! So China it is. I am not financially ready to go to Japan. I WILL GO THERE ONE DAY! Wait for me, Japan!

Besides, I don't know whether my eyes will suddenly water at the thoughts of ME being in the land where Matsumoto Jun is currently residing in, the land of Hana Yori Dango! (I am sooo over Matsujun FYI). The land of the Studio Ghibli movies, Doraemon, Law of Ueki, Cardcaptor Sakura, other mangas and animes that I have read and watched ever since I was young? I might totally succumb to these touchy feelings, you know.

I must not be in this state of confusion anymore. I must not be a procrastinator anymore. I have visions, but I lacked the determination to achieve my dreams, goals! 

It has been quite a long time since I last merepek-ed on this blog. It feels good. Therapeutic, even! 

Tata! (say this in Art Attack's Neil Buchanan's style)

It's been a while

Hello. Assalamualaikum.

It's 3.35 in the morning and this marks the second time of which I had tried rolling on the bed to lull myself to sleep, to no avail.

I've been awake doing my assignment and there's a bit more left, I decided to sleep and finish them off tomorrow and no..I can't sleep. So I woke up, turn on the laptop and carried out with more bits of my assignment. I decided to sleep and no, I can't. And here I am, typing.

As I lie down on the bed, forcing myself to sleep, I couldn't help but to think of the glorious days of the past. 

I don't know why, but lately, it seems like I have been missing my CFS days. Those wonderful 2 years spent there. Oh, I'm gonna cry thinking of the good times that I had.

I think of the mahallah. The best room that I've ever had, my awesome roommate, my amazing cranky neighbours, my best friends, my cool classmates, lecturers, classes, those old buildings, the extremely freezing rooms at the LY building, the library, those late nights chit-chats I had with my roommate just when we were about to fall asleep, the introduction to the world of fandom and Japanese dramas. Hana Yori Dango, Matsumoto Jun, Arashi. The people who brought me into that world. I kind of missed those days. 

KBS World is currently re-airing 'Boys Before Flowers', the Korean adaptation of the immensely popular manga 'Hana Yori Dango' and as I watched the series, I couldn't help but to compare it with my beloved Japanese live-action Hana Yori Dango which starred the talented Inoue Mao and Matsumoto Jun. 

I cringed in disgust upon looking at the weak-willed, passive and dependent character of Geum Jan Di as compared to Makino Tsukushi's independent, driven, strong hearted attributes. I love the memorable background music, soundtrack, the flamboyant F4, the scene where Makino punched Domyouji, the elevator scene, basically every scene there is in Hana Yori Dango! Hana Yori Dango will always be my favourite and most beloved Japanese drama. It is through this drama that I have delved deeper into the short-lived years of fandom (only 1 year and a half, to be precise). It was one short year, but it was a memorable year. One of the various phases of my life. 

I miss the old days. As I rewatched the series (Hana Yori Dango), I have developed a sense of longing towards the days in CFS. I remember that particular scene where my roommate and I laughed our head off, and we kept on replaying that scene over and over again. Sigh.

One more year left till I graduate. At least, I could say that I have no regret of leaving my college and university years. The college years (Foundation/CFS years) are definitely the highlight of my academic years. I have made friends, I have grown up, I have explored..something.

Apart from thinking of the foundation years, I have also been thinking about how I have just (recently) wasted TWO DAYS of my life watching Running Man episodes when I could have completed my assignments and submit them earlier! GAHHHH! It seems like the procrastinator trait is still strong within me. ZZZZzzzzZZZZ

Ah, tomorrow.... 

Where will I sleep tomorrow?

To cut things short, my preceptor's husband passed away this morning. My mom and I went to the mosque to pay our 'final respect' to the 'arwah'.

The last time I ever attended a funeral was in 2010, where my grandmother passed away in Singapore.

She was a generally healthy person, with a moderate case of hypertension. The cause of her death is simply bacterial infection, possibly acquired when she was cutting the fish. She was being warded for about 2 months and passed away soon after.

As for my preceptor's husband, he had diabetes and his death is also attributed towards the extreme level of glucose in his blood. He was unconscious for almost a week when it was finally decided that it was the time to let him go (he had been surviving on machines) and yeah, he passed away after a week at the hospital.

My father's friend passed away right after he sent his daughter to the matriculation college. It was being alleged that he experienced a heart attack after carrying his daughter's luggage.

Another friend of his passed away when he was playing 'sepak takraw'. 

This got me thinking. I could be destined to die any moment now. Even when I'm typing this very sentence. You don't need a specific cause to die. If it's your time to die, then you will die. Sometimes, you would die because of unlikely initiation factors (like playing sepak takraw/carrying a luggage thus getting heart attack/respiratory failure or cutting the fish thus getting bacterial infection).

I don't know. I'm scared. I have so many debts towards Allah. I'm afraid that I won't be given enough time to pay the debts, and to strive in seeking his pleasure, to perform ibadah, etc.

I could die anytime now. If Allah decided that I shall die, then yes, I will. But then, he had given me chances to repent, to change something, to change myself for the betterment. He is giving me time to perform ibadahs, to please Him. 

Tonight, I will be sleeping on my bed at home, surrounded by my family members. Who knows, I might be 'sleeping' in the grave, all alone tomorrow? That I will be waiting fearfully as the 'Angels Munkar and Nakir' proceed to question me in the grave? And if I can't answer the questions, I will be punished and tortured? This makes me scared and sad.

I should be thinking about death a lot, so that the very thought of it would not lead me astray, away from the right and true path, so that it will guide me towards my creator, the most merciful Allah s.w.t. 

Read al-Quran a lot, for it will be your companion in the grave, illuminating the dark surrounding with its brilliant light, insya-Allah. 

Remember Allah always.